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I comply. I felt a palpable loss in not being able to look at him. Damien is no doubt gorgeous, but I want to drown in his eyes. I want to desperately search the torrential waves that I see behind his facade of control. But now I don’t have that chance. I almost want to look at him now as much I want him to touch me. But I listen intently, trying not to focus on my sweating palms betraying how nervous I am.
“If you obey, you will be rewarded.”
I like the sound of this, but I’ve learned something in the heavy air of Damien’s world versus the light air of what feels like my former life. There will be a counterbalance to this.
“If you disobey, you will be punished.”
There it is. So why does any attention from Damien make me want to jump up and down? I’ve got a frenetic joy at the thought of him exerting either reward or punishment against me. Like, I have been consumed by my need for him and any bit of whatever he has to offer is water to my thirsty soul.
“You do not have a say in any of this. You are not to speak unless I have asked you a direct question. If I ask you a question, you are not to lie. If you do, I will know, and you will be punished. Do you understand?”
I start to nod, and he slaps me right in the face.
I’m shocked, and I cry out, bringing my hand to touch where he slapped me. I look at him, tears welling in my eyes.
He grabs my hand, getting down to my level and into my face, and presses it back to my lap forcefully. “Do you understand? I don’t like to repeat myself.” I hear the power in his voice, but, undoubtedly, I hear that he’s aroused. It hurt when he hit me, but my pussy is aching for him now, thrumming with need. I’m so confused, but I know I don’t want him to move from out of my face. Still, I need to listen. I bring my eyes to the ground. “Yes, I understand.”
“Sir,” he continues, jerking my chin up to look at him. “You can look at me now, so that I see you understand. You will call me Sir.”
“Yes, Sir, I understand,” I say, my words sounding as needy as I feel. I look in his eyes and I’m grateful to be able to look at him. I see the fire in his eyes and I can’t imagine a greater reward than him looking at me this way and knowing it is because of me. If I disobey and he’s this on fire, what will my obedience do to him? His face is a perfect mask of lust and I want to look at him forever.
“Eyes down, legs spread.” Oh, he’s taking away his face, but I’m giving him my pussy. I comply and he tears off my pants. I try to keep myself in the position because I’m trying hard to be good. I want to know what being good feels like. My face stings, mostly because of the shock of being hit, but also because it was not a light hit. I’m shocked that he did such a thing. But I’m even more shocked that it didn’t feel black and white. I feel that we’re living outside the lines of simple color right now, and I’m not sure where this all leads. I’ve always been a good girl at school, followed rules. But this kind of authority? This can’t be what all boyfriends are like. Not that Damien is my boyfriend. I don’t think I’d want that. The idea of watching a movie with him or cuddling with him are not nearly as exciting as me imagining what I’m going to do with him today.
I’m going to do my absolute best to do everything that he asks of me.
“Your pussy is so wet for me, Sarah,” Damien says.
My face heats intensely and my head feels a little dizzy. I want to cover myself. My legs are spread and I’m bared to him and I’m intensely nervous. I realize that I’m trembling. My fingers are digging into my thighs and shaking to cover myself. But I can’t. That’s not what Damien told me to do.
“Breathe for me, baby girl. Don’t want to lose you now when the fun hasn’t even begun.” Damien stands and it is all I can do to follow him with my eyes. I want to see him. I want to know what we’ve just begun. I want to know where it is going. My mind is racing and my cheeks are flushing, I can feel it. I need to know. The urge to control this, organize it, like I do everything else in my life is crushing me. I want to be able to know what comes next and plan for it. I want to do the right thing.
