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It is a foolish, girly thought, but I want to be able to tell him that I love him on a day he’ll want to remember it. How can I think this when I know he wants to forget me? Maybe it’ll be easy for him to forget me. I can’t have that. I kiss him with every ounce of energy I have and I send my love, my passion, through my body. My arms are pinned or I would wrap my arms around him. My legs wrap around him without a thought. My hips are grinding against his, and I feel how hard he is. At least his cock still wants me. I’m wet instantly, the feel of his mouth on mine enough to arouse me, but knowing that cock wants me makes having a pussy worth it. I fucking crave him. I ache for him.
Just as quick as his mouth was on me, it’s gone. He stalks away from me and storms from the room, locking me inside. I hear the click of the lock and try to follow after him but I can’t.
“Damien!” I yelp out. I beat my fists against the door. I need to make this better. My tears fall again, they crash against my prison. I have to do whatever Damien wants.
I have to please him.
I have to be sure that this is the last time I ever disappoint him.
I don’t know how or when, but when I have a chance, I have to make this better.
I know I’m poison to him. That’s why he’s always so conflicted. I know I need to let him go. But I’m too selfish to think I can do that. Can he sell me when all I want is to be his? I will cross that bridge when I get there, because right now I need to be able to make him see that I’m sorry. I’m going to be good. So good.
Maybe I can be good enough that he’ll forgive me.
But I know that I’ll never forgive myself for tearing him apart.
I can’t logically parse this situation. I shouldn’t be upset. I know that somewhere in the sense of this, I should be frustrated that he is upset. But all I hear is my heart telling me that I’ve hurt him. I’ve flayed my inner sense of reason long ago because I’m part of Damien’s world and I desperately want to remain. Yet, now, I think I’ll be nothing but a cask. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I wanted to be good. But I was foolish. It’s foolish that I thought I could ever get away. And do what?
All I want is Damien. I have to find my way back to him.
If he wants me. And I know he’s conflicted; I know he was going to sell me. What I don’t really know is if he ever wanted me at all. I breathe, trying to focus on inhaling and exhaling, dropping my body down to the floor. I’m lifeless and numb. I let him down and don’t know if being good will mean that I’m worth selling, or if it can truly lead to forgiveness.
I wish I could hate Damien. Damien, the man who shouldn’t seem different than my father. My father would sell me. Damien would sell me.
But right now I want to cash in on what’s left of my soul to save Damien’s. I fear that no one will ever see the man behind the sadness, the anger. He’s lonely. I couldn’t see any of this about him until it was too late and I had already thrown it away. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance to save at least Damien. I’ll get far away from him and maybe that’ll be my final chance to not disappoint him.
My stomach is in knots. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do. I wouldn’t know how to figure it out if I even thought I could.
15
Sarah
“Sarah,” I hear a man moan my name.
A man that isn’t Damien.
I turn and see him standing in front of my doorless door frame. His body is like a magnet to my attraction, but I have to ignore it.
“You’re…” Here? I can’t form the word. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to betray Damien. I don’t care how attracted to that voice I am. I have to ignore it.
Why is he here? Is that…oh God, is this TD?
Oh God, did Damien already sell me?
I betray him, and he sells me right away. I guess that is fair but I want to die.
Sure, I want to fuck TD. But I need Damien. How can I have no interest in men and then have two that I desperately want?
Who the hell am I?
“Damien told me that you have been quite the busy little girl. I’m TD. Trevor Davries.” He stalks toward me. Sits next to me on the bed. “Are you still planning to run?” He looks in my eyes and I know, if I lie, he’ll know.
