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I’m glad someone else, a professional, or a team of them by the upscale looks of these facilities, was able to take care of Tommy for me. For a second I feel a brush of guilt, but I know that I need to let myself have my own life.
A strange life that is nothing like what I pictured for myself…but that’s the strange thing. Until my bother was taken care of, I had never really imagined what my life might look like if I could choose. When I thought I wanted to run far away from Gian, I imagined that my brother and I would go live boring lives in some small town until we were creaky and old.
But now I’ve quit my job at the diner, and I don’t have my apartment anymore. I have a friend. A probably married boyfriend. My life isn’t anything like what I imagined. But now I have hope and the possibility to figure out just what I want that to be.
And the idea that someone else is married to Gian sours everything in my stomach instantly. The weight of it hits me and when I’m following the nurse to Tommy’s room, I look back at Gian with pleading eyes as he sits down in the waiting area at reception.
Maybe I can’t have the one thing I never knew that I wanted because Gian must belong to someone else.
I feel so stupid. I can’t be thinking about this now. What if the worry reads all over my face and it upsets Tommy, who has already been through so much?
I inhale deeply and look at the closed door the nurse leaves me at.
I walk in with a smile on my face. Tommy looks clean and well taken care of, but he looks utterly exhausted. He also looks pissed when he sees me, which takes me aback.
“Luce, I can’t believe you let that asshole throw me in this place,” Tommy says, gritting his teeth and looking up at me with narrowed eyes. “And if you’re fucking him, I don’t want to believe that either. But I can’t believe I’m finally sober,” Tommy says and I hear his voice crack. “I feel like I haven’t seen myself or my own life in years, Luce, thank you so much. But there’s something that I have to tell you,” Tommy says, reaching out for my hand.
I sit down in the chair next to his bed and hold his hand. It feels warm and clean and makes me breathe so much easier.
“Lucy, Giancarlo Sandoval’s crazy wife and this other dude I owed money to, this biker Luke Gravos, they wanted me to kill their husbands. They were promising to erase my debts and make me a wealthy man,” Tommy says this, and I see him searching my eyes for something.
My reaction? To see if I knew this already?
I can’t breathe for a second and I’m so confused.
The note…it wasn’t about how he owed Gian more than anyone else. It was because that’s who these women wanted him to cross off first. The idea of Gian being hurt terrifies me. The idea that someone who should care about him — whoever this wife of his is — orchestrating the hurt kills me. And Tommy, a killer? That’s almost too much for me to handle and I can’t say anything right now. I should. My lips part and nothing comes out.
“I just wanted to give us a better life, Luce. I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t exactly say no to them. But…Gian told me that it has been taken care of. He told me yesterday, on the phone, he told me everything.” Tommy squeezes my hand again. “Lucy, do you trust Giancarlo Sandoval? Can we trust this guy?”
I don’t know much about these deals, but I know that I can trust Gian. No matter my doubts or the dumb fights we’ve had, no matter how strange our courtship was if you would even call it that, I know I can trust Gian. I feel it deeper in my bones than I’ve ever felt anything before in my life. “Yes, I trust Gian. I love him,” I say, finally looking at Tommy.
Tears are welling in my eyes and when Tommy pulls me into his arms, I’m so grateful. I can’t believe that only a few weeks ago, Tommy was strung out, I was barely able to pay for my box of an apartment, and I had no friends in the world.
Gian told me that he was going to keep me forever.
I know he wanted to tell me about his wife — I know that he was going to tell me something before, after I was dancing with Margo, and I didn’t let him. It must’ve been easy to hold me and not say anything, because now the sadness I saw in his eyes makes so much sense.
