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He makes love to me again later that evening, on the rug in front of the fireplace. It is so soft and gentle, I cry. We lie wrapped around each other all night, touching, tasting, exploring, and leaving his apartment the next morning is the hardest thing. It means getting back to reality, and I am not sure I am ready for that.
Nate and I have dinner on Sunday night, Sushi Sundays, our thing. It’s a small sushi bar that has conveyor belt sushi in the middle of the restaurant. Patrons sit around it and can choose from several types of sushi. I try to bring myself to tell him the truth about Denton and me, but I can’t. I decide that I would rather just break up with him than hurt him like that.
“I don’t think this is working out,” I blurt, after playing around with my food for half an hour. I haven’t even eaten one California roll, and those are my favorite.
He stops mid chewing and looks at me, confused. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I think we should break up.”
He sits back in his seat. “Is this about that asshole, Denton?”
I look away, and I suppose that is all the answer he needs.
“He is going to break your heart, the way he did before, and I don’t know if I am okay knowing that. Fuck, I love you, Brianna. Sure, things aren’t perfect, but why can’t I be enough for you? He’s been back for a couple of days and you’re ready to give it all up for him?”
I close my eyes and suck in a breath. “I love you too, you know that, just not the way I love him.”
He reaches for my hand, and I let him take it. “He’s got a family, Bre. I don’t know what promises he’s made you this time, but he’s going to fuck it up.”
I tug my hand away. “Can we finish our food?” I mutter.
“I don’t feel that hungry anymore. I’ll wait for you in the car.” He calls the server over to settle the bill.
After he leaves, I think about everything he said. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am fooling myself into thinking that Denton and I have the kind of forever love I think we do.
I push away my food, suddenly losing my appetite. Nate is a kind man, and he doesn’t deserve this. He was there to pick up the pieces after I found out Savanna was pregnant. He knows everything. Everything except the fact that I fucked another man less than twenty-four hours ago.
He parks outside my house, and we climb out, standing in front of my door. “You wanna come inside?”
“And see that prick? No, thank you, I have better things to do. I won’t lose you, Bre. Take a break, get this guy out of your system, but I’ll be here.”
I shake my head. “Nate, it’s over!” I say with more force than I intend.
He leans in and kisses my cheek. “Take care of yourself.”
When I enter the house, I slide down the closed door and fall apart. I sit there for a while, and when I look up, Denton’s sitting in front of me, elbows on his knees. I climb between his legs, and I want to stay there forever. “Why does it hurt so much?” I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Because this is the shit I bring into your life,” he says, I look at him, and his jaw is set. “You deserve someone like Nate. He isn’t like me; he’s not a fuck up. I mean, is this what you want, Brianna? A ready-made family and all the complications that come with that. You’re nineteen, for fuck sake.”
“You’re not a fuck up!” I yell, and he stands walking to the kitchen. I follow him. “Stop it! You said you love me, that you want to be with me. I am here now, Duke.”
He hangs his head. I stomp up to him, crushing my mouth against his. “You fucking asshole,” I hiss as I kiss him again, then slap his face, then kiss him harder, my hands gripping his t-shirt. “I hate you.”
His hands glide down to my ass as he lifts me onto the kitchen countertop, never breaking the kiss. He kisses me like a starved man, years of desire pooled into that one kiss. He kisses me until the need for oxygen is the only reason we break apart. I dig my nails into his back, scratching at him. He lifts my skirt, removing my panties, then pulls down his gray sweatpants and boxers, tugging me to the edge of the counter.
“Is this what you want, Bre? My dick inside you? Will that shut you up enough to listen?”
He settles between my legs and buries himself so deep inside me I let out a growl. His movements are feral, as he plows into me so hard I have to bite his shoulder to silence the screams. I come so hard I’m like a rag doll as he continues to ravage me. I feel him swell, and he pulls out of me, cum coating his hands.
I slap him, hating how much I need him, before I retreat to my room, too angry to keep looking at him, too hurt to understand why he said what he did. I lock my door, curl into myself and fall asleep.
10
Denton
When her parents return from their trip, I leave but not before we fight again.
“So you’re doing this again?” She says, flinging some kind of vase at me. It crashes to the ground.
