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“Pasta ala Nate,” he tells me. I wash my hands and get a bottle of wine from the fridge, leaving it on the counter.
“Sounds perfect.”
He nods, continuing to stir. I reach for two glasses and pour us wine, downing mine. “Tough day?”
“You could say that. Hey, five-minute shower, and I’ll be back.” I blow him a kiss.
My phone buzzes. I snap it up quickly, but it’s just Harrison. I breathe a sigh of relief. I am not this person. I’m not scared of who is messaging me and when. Fuck!
I climb into the shower and let the stress of the day melt away under the warm water. I pad barefoot back to the kitchen after my shower in shorts and a t-shirt. Nate is still in the kitchen, so I top off his wine and walk over to the sliding doors that lead out onto the large wrap-around balcony. Perks of living in a luxury penthouse.
A cool breeze spreads goosebumps over my skin. Taking a sip of my wine, I relax in one of the lounge chairs.
Nate joins me a few minutes later. “Dinner is done, resting, so I am all yours.” he takes a seat in the chair next to me.
“Nate, have you ever thought about having kids?” His expression is thoughtful.
“I don’t know Bre, for a while, yeah. I did. But then I think about how complicated life could get, and I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
I nod. I get what he means. There was a time when I thought about it too, having kids running around, a house with a white picket fence, and all that. But then life happened, and I know that I am not ready for that.
“What made you ask that?” He reaches out and runs a hand down my arm.
“Oh, just musing, I suppose. I guess I am on the same page as you with that. Do you think we’ll ever be a normal couple someday?”
“Normal?”
“You know what I mean.”
He shifts in his seat. “It’s over, you know, between him and I. I ended things a month ago.”
I nod, take another sip of wine. I still feel that twist in my gut when he mentions it. I live with it, but it hurts to know that I have and never will be enough for Nathan. We support each other, we love each other, we’re emotionally connected, but we are simply best friends who fuck from time to time. “I am starving,” I tell him, in more ways than one.
“And I can feed you, my lady,” he takes my hand, placing a kiss on it.
12
Denton
On our wedding day, Anna looked like an angel in her white dress, but the woman beside her, well, she looked like something there are no right words for. She was like a shooting star, beautiful and completely unattainable, and that’s why she was the only thing I knew I would want for the rest of my life, the only wish that would never come true.
My attention, on the most important day of my life, was split, in much the same way my heart was. The minister quoted Mignon McLaughlin.“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”How was I supposed to do that when I was in love with two women?
Our son recovered quickly after the fall, and he smiled as he sat on Savanna’s mother’s lap in the front pew.
That night in the hospital, I made up my mind. I would make it work with Savanna and be a full-time father. Seeing him on weekends and every other holiday was not enough. I had to be there every single day.
I wrote a letter to Brianna, burned it, and decided that she was worth more than that. I drove up to her door, and I kissed her like my life depended on it, and then I said goodbye.
I asked Savanna to marry me not long after. It wasn’t an ideal proposal, it was just an agreement, but I meant it anyway.
I intended to stay true to my vows, that is, until I laid eyes on Brianna that night at the club. I’ve gotten used to seeing Nate and Brianna together over the years, but it doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. I have accepted it, but fuck do I wish things could have been different. But something about the way he had her hands on her that night fucked with my mind. And now, now I want to touch her the way I did on that dance floor. I hate myself for it, but I need to taste her, even just once.
Sitting across the fire from her reminds me of that night on the beach; the same kind of anger and jealousy I felt then creeps up now. Standing, I turn the steak on the barbeque. I’m drunk, again. I’m always fucking drunk. It’s the only way I can keep my demons at bay.
Savanna and I fight so much it makes me sick. It has nothing to do with Bre and everything to do with the fact that nothing I do is good enough. She’s always comparing me to her father, belittling the things I do. I hate that Justin sees it. He’s almost nine, but he’s taken to slamming the door to get us to stop arguing.
That is no excuse why I want to fuck her best friend, either. Men like to blame it on relationship issues, sure those exist. But the truth is that some of us are wired to be greedy and selfish; we want to have our cake and eat it.
