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“Fuck you, Bre. And fuck the fact that I want you!”
She stands, and I tug her into my lap, so she’s straddling me. “I need you,” I say, placing my forehead against hers. Our eyes meet, and I want to know what she’s thinking about, but I know I never will.
“Let me go, Denton, please.” She pleads, and I know that there is nothing I won’t do for her.
I hate seeing Nate with Bre. I always have. I hate that she is going to go ahead and let Nate raise my child. I hate that I can do nothing about it. But most of all, I hate that she is right.
That doesn’t stop me wanting her, from craving her. I went into it headfirst, not thinking about the repercussions of what it would do to our marriages and families. I didn’t care, and that makes me irresponsible. It makes me a fucking asshole. But desire untouched and unexplored is a punishment I could not endure, and so I acted on it.
“I will never stop wanting you, Brianna.”
She holds onto me and buries her head in my neck. I feel the tears, and I hold her until I am forced to let her go.
I take Savanna out to dinner. We eat at our favorite steakhouse on the lake. It’s been a long time, and I feel shit about that.
After two glasses of wine, we’ve both relaxed. It’s strange how marriage is supposed to bring people together, but somewhere along the way, all it does is push them apart.
“It’s great about Bre and Nate, right? They’re finally starting a family. I always worried about those two.” She tells me.
I nod. “Yeah, it is great.”
“You don’t look so happy about it,” she lifts a brow.
“Because it is not my business.” I hate that I have to say that.
“Well, you, my darling husband, are a grouch, and you should try to be happy for other people.”
“Okay, I’ll try,” I promise.
“I can’t wait to spend the summer with my parents again this year. Justin loves it there. I’m thinking of forcing Bre to come along.”
“I am happy with whatever makes you happy.”
She wants to spend the summer there because no matter what I plan, it will never be as great as the summers she spent with her family growing up. I want my own traditions for my own family, but we always revert back to hers.
“If you don't want to spend the summer there, we can do something else, you know?” She frowns.
“No, nothing I suggest would be as wonderful as summer with the Julius family.”
“That sounds pretty sarcastic.”
“Maybe it is Savanna.” I gulp down my wine. “Can we drop it and just enjoy the evening?”
We do, but deep inside, I just feel like the asshole as always.
She is quiet on the drive home. I put on some music to cut through the deafening silence. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should just apologize for the sake of peace.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so uptight about your suggestion. I agree it’s a good idea. Besides, Justin hasn’t really spent enough time with your folks.”
She turns in her seat and smiles. I let out a sigh. I’m glad I am the reason for that smile, even though it pains me to continually be the one compromising.
“Are you and Mom getting a divorce?” Justin asks as we toss a football in the backyard.
“Why would you ask that, son? Of course not.” I tell him, tossing the ball high in the air. He catches it like a pro. My son’s athletic ability is far better than mine at that age. He wants to play football, even go pro.
“Mark's parents are getting a divorce. He said it starts the same way, arguing and ignoring each other.”
“I’m sorry to hear that about Mark, but son, that isn’t the case with your mother and me.”
