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Eli sighed. He really must’ve fucked up. He was about to start profusely apologizing and begging when she slid over and made room for him on the bench.
Ali remained quiet while they ate, and he could hardly stand the silence. It made the sound of utensils against plates even more grating.
“I’m sorry, okay?” He tilted his head in her direction, hoping to make eye contact.
“You said some really shitty things today.” She finally looked at him, and he half-wished she hadn’t. Her gaze bore through him like a dagger.
“I know.”
“Do you believe me when I say there’s nothing going on?”
“I do. Forgive me?” He pushed his lip out and pouted, showing off his best puppy dog eyes.
“It’s not funny, Eli. You’re all I have here. If you can’t trust me…” She stared into the distance. Her mind was elsewhere. “I just don’t want to lose you too.”
“You haven’t lost me.” He placed a hand on her knee and rubbed it with his thumb. He knew she was thinking about Andus and about their parents, but he was still here and wasn’t going anywhere. “I didn’t mean to come down on you so hard. I just felt out of the loop, I guess. We’ve always known everything about each other and for the first time, I felt like you were keeping something from me. I was wrong to jump to that conclusion and I really am sorry. I do trust you.”
Her eyes met his, searching for sincerity. She seemed satisfied with what she found and pushed her half-eaten tray of food away. “I forgive you.”
“You’re not going to eat that?”
“I’m not hungry. Maybe I’ll go on a hunger strike,” she said half-jokingly, but he was concerned she was being serious.
“That’s a terrible idea. If we do ever get the chance to get out of here, I need you in top shape. Not weak and starving.”
“Do you really think we’re ever going to get out of here?” Her voice was skeptical. She looked up at the sky, waiting for a prayer to be answered. She was almost angelic, the way the warm sunlight hit her pale skin. It only made her frown more devastating.
“Yes, or I will die trying.”
Ali whipped her head in his direction.
“I’m serious, Ali. This life”—he waved his arms around at their surroundings—“isn’t a life at all. I will do whatever it takes to escape. And you’re coming with me. You can always depend on me.”
“Where will we go?” She was humoring him. He could tell she didn’t believe they would ever actually escape, but she would entertain his wild ideas.
“Anywhere you want.”
“Neither of us has any idea where we’re going.”
“We’ll figure it out along the way. What about someplace sunny and warm?”
She considered it for a moment and whispered softly, “I think I’d like that.”
Then she nuzzled her head into his neck, resting on his shoulder. He could sense her despair and knew she didn’t share his optimism. He wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her close. If only he could take the pain away. If only none of this had ever happened. He had failed to keep her safe before, but he would never fail her again. Her hopelessness only drove him to be more committed to saving them both.
He would find a way.
***
Chapter Ten
Ali could hardly keep up with her rollercoaster of emotions. She had started the day feeling cautiously cheerful that work might help distract her and give her something to look forward to. Instead, she’d been taunted by Nik, had fought with Eli, and then had to listen to his pointless dreams. It was a cruel reminder that her life was over. It didn’t belong to her anymore; she was someone else’s property. She felt guilty for even having a moment of happiness. Tears burned her eyes when she thought of her mom.
I don’t get to be happy.
She’d been foolish to think her life would return to any sense of normalcy. How could she think she could go about her day with a new job and create a new routine here? Was it that easy for her to forget who these people were and what they had done?
She punched her pillow and flung her body down on the bed. The pillow muffled her anguished screams. Her muscles tensed as she let out everything she’d been holding in. Then the energy drained from her body, and her tight grip on the pillow slowly released. She took slow breaths, attempting to bring her heart rate down.
