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“As soon as we hang up, I’ll ask God for forgiveness. He probably feels the same way about that ba—thatmanas I do. But I hate the idea of you being alone.” Another pause. “You’re not alone, are you?”
The irony. I’d said the same thing to Santa.
I took a deep breath. “Okay… I’m not alone… But… it’s complicated, all right?”
“Thank goodness for that.” Another pause. “Well? Is that all I get?”
It was all I could give.
“For now, yes. But I promise, I’ll be there at New Year’s.”
“Can you bring him with you?”
My heart sank. “I wish I could, but that’s not possible.”
“That’s okay. At least I’ll get to see my big brother. And you’d better be prepared for us to come over next year. Gotta help you celebrate the big five-oh, right?”
It seemed like the blink of an eye since Santa had mentioned me turning forty.Where did all the years go? And why did they go so freaking fast?There was only one way I wanted to celebrate reaching half a century, and that would be an impossibility. “Sure, we can talk about that when I see you.” Noise in the background told me our conversation was at an end. “I’ll let you know when my flight gets in, okay?” I’d see to that after Christmas.
“Layla and the kids will love seeing you. Merry Christmas, bro.”
“Merry Christmas, kid.” I cleared my throat. “Oh, and Ben? Can I apologize now?”
“For what?”
“When Becca opens her Christmas present… don’t hate me, all right? I tried to get something I thought a fourteen-year-old girl would love.”
“Oh my God. What did you send her?”
I chuckled. “You’ll find out tomorrow.”
He growled. “I’ll pray for you tonight when I do my midnight carol service for the troops.”
I hung up. Becca was going toadorethe glitter tattoo kit. And they stayed on for seven to ten days.
Then I realized there was no noise. Without turning around, I smiled. “I know you’re here.”
“I wanted to let you finish your call. Is everything okay?”
I turned to face him. He stood by the tree, his long red cloak still the same vibrant shade, his beard almost camouflaged against the white fur trim. The sight of him warmed me, body and soul.
“That was my brother Ben. I’m going to see them at New Year’s.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t you go there for Christmas? I would’ve understood. Family is important.”
“Because if I did, I’d have missed seeing you, and having you turn up at their home might have been a tad difficult to explain.” Everything I’ve been feeling for the past year, all the longing, the heartache, the anticipation, welled up inside me. He held his arms wide, and I ran into them. Our lips met, and we fed each other joyful noises as we kissed, our arms entwined.
I couldn’t get enough of him.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured.
The hardest part of not seeing him for a year? I’d had nothing to focus on, nothing to remind me of him. “You know what I want for Christmas? A photo of you. Something I can look at when you’re not here.” Something I could talk to. Stare at.
Fantasize about.
He smiled. “I can arrange that.” Santa cocked his head to one side. “Are you ready to go? Dinner is waiting for us.”
I had other appetites to assuage before that.
