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“That was amazing. Except amazing doesn’t do it justice. That was the single most exciting event of my existence.” He held my face in his hands. “What made it so was that it was with you.”
I returned his kiss, but inside, my heart felt as if it was about to break.
I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep torturing myself like this.
And in that moment, I knew that the next time we met, I would need to be honest with him. Not now, not so soon after we’d made love. That would be cruel. But he’d always said if the moment came when either of us felt we wanted to stop, we should say something.
I didn’t want it to stop, but I couldn’t go on the way things were.
When I was fifty-four
2021
He appeared beside the Christmas tree, and I didn’t hesitate. I walked into his open arms, and we kissed, pouring a year of longing and heartache into them.
When we parted, I stroked his beard. “I know I say it every Christmas Eve, but myGod, I’ve missed you.”
“I know, I feel the same. I think the girls are getting sick of me walking into their stable, and pouring my heart out.”
“Do they get that a lot?”
He smiled. “Only every day. Are you ready?”
“Yes.” My intention to talk about what lay on my heart faded into nothing.I can’t tell him. I’m all he has.The knowledge of all those centuries alone weakened my resolve.I can’t do that to him.
“Have you spoken to Ben today?”
I nodded. “This morning. I caught him just before he went out to work.”
“I’ve never asked. What does he do?” Nicholas smiled. “I try not to watch your family too closely. It feels too much like I’m stalking them.”
“He’s an army chaplain. He’s stationed on a US airbase in Germany.”
“So that was why they moved to Europe?”
“Uh-huh. He’s been on a few different bases. You should hear Becca and Pete speaking German. Not that that’s the only foreign language they speak. Smart kids.” Except they wouldn’t be kids for much longer. It came as a shock to realize they’d be twenty soon.
“When did you last see him?”
“Can we not talk about this?” It wasn’t that I minded the topic, it was just that every minute we spent talking about Ben or my job, or my life, that was one minute we didn’t get to spend together.
He sighed. “I understand.” He held out his hand. “Let’s go.”
“Wait.” I grabbed a parcel from under the Christmas tree. He gave me an inquiring glance, and I smiled. “It’s for you. And yes, you can open it before I come back.”
His eyes shone. “I can’t remember the last time someone left me a Christmas present. I don’t count the milk and cookies.”
I swear, I heard Dancer’s huff of impatience in my head. “I think we’d better go.”
As we climbed into the sleigh, I knew this wouldn’t be like all the Christmas Eves we’d spent together. My heart was heavy with the knowledge of what had to come.
I lay in his arms, my head resting on his shoulder, my heartbeat settling back into its usual rhythm. I needed to get in the shower, because his come was drying on my stomach.
Except I couldn’t move.
“That has to be the most appropriate gift ever,” he murmured.
I smiled. Cloning my cock and presenting him with it, complete with battery, had been a moment of inspiration. “Now you get to have me inside you when I’m not around.”
