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I peered at the hat covering his head. “What do you look like under there?”
He chuckled. “You’re not about to find out. Hat hair.”
I snorted. “‘Hat hair’?”
“I’m not kidding. You should see it when the night is over and I get to take it off.” He glanced at me. “You’ll be starting college soon. Are you looking forward to it?”
I breathed deeply. “Yeah. It’ll be good to get away.”
Santa frowned. “Something wrong?”
I shrugged. “Just… family stuff.” Except it was way more than that.
He sighed. “And I’m not family. I get it. I’m just the old guy you talk to one night a year. That doesn’t give me any privileges.”
“You’re not old,” I retorted. “You’re… timeless.”
Tell him.Tellhim.
I went with my gut. “The thing is… I can’t wait for college because then I’ll finally get to be myself.”
He gave me an inquiring glance, but said nothing.
“I’ll be able to be the real me,” I continued. “The one my parents and brother can’t see.” I had my reasons for not telling Mom and Dad—Ben wouldn’t understand. Although perhaps he might. There’d been a lot of talk around school, most of it not good.
Santa regarded me with that same glance, then sighed. “I understand that better than you might think.”
Of course he would. No one in the whole world knew what the man behind the Santa suit was like, not even me.
“So… what’s the real you like? Am I allowed to ask that?”
I had no idea why both my head and heart were telling me he’d be okay with my revelation, but I went along with it. “Yes, you can ask. The real me is… gay.”
God, his expression was serene. “Ah. Okay.” He cocked his head. “You’ve known this for a while, haven’t you?”
How does he do this? How does he see me so clearly when those closest to me are clueless?
I nodded. “I always felt more of an attraction to other boys rather than to girls. And two years ago…I finally admitted to myself that I was gay.”
“But you haven’t told your parents.” It wasn’t a question. “Why? Not that you have to tell anyone, because that really is no one’s business but yours.”
“I’m not sure.” My heart quaked at the lie. “No, that’s not right. I know exactly why I haven’t said anything. Fear holds me back. I watch the news, and…I think they’d worry about me.”
A heavy sigh rolled out of him. “AIDS?”
I nodded.
Santa stared into the flames. “And nowI’llbe worrying about you.”
It was only then that it dawned on me. It didn’t matter how old he looked—this man was purported to becenturiesold, and yet he was obviously a liberal thinker, because he didn’t appear shocked by my announcement.
Before I could tell him he had nothing to worry about—I drew the line at telling him I was still a virgin, because hey, there were some things you just didn’t tell Santa, right?—he cleared his throat. “Be safe, okay? Don’t take risks.” Then he reached under his cloak, and pulled out a package wrapped in shiny red paper, tied with a red velvet bow. He held it out to me. “This is an extra one for you.”
I stared at the gift he’d placed in my hands.
“You can open it now. In fact, I think it best if you don’t open it tomorrow.” He coughed. “You might have some explaining to do if that happened.”
I undid the bow, tore off the paper, and he took them from me, making them disappear. I was left holding—
