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Jade looked me up and down. “Seeing as how you didn’t tell your boyfriend about it, yeah, I do. And maybe that’s not the embarrassing part. Maybe the embarrassing part comes when everyone sees how once upon a time, the math book loving geek desperately wanted to be popular, but couldn’t hack it.”
I felt Connor’s fingers skim the inside of my wrist, and it was almost enough to have me backing down. Almost. “Or maybe people will see how threatened you are by me,” I returned, pulling my arm away. “You, Top Tier cheerleader Jade Dyer, threatened by a math book loving geek. That’s why you stole my best friend. Why you helped Madison skew my squad audition. That’s why you put me on the Most Likely To list.”
For the briefest second as I spoke, Jade had faltered. The confidence in her expression had cracked, revealing the insecure girl underneath. But by the time I got to my last line, the blip of emotion was gone. As if I were on a rollercoaster, my heart dropped to my feet as Jade raised her eyebrows. “The list. You want to know whotrulyput you on the list?”
“Jade.” This time, it was Connor speaking from behind me, warning her to stop.
But I was already shaking my head. “I don’t even care anymore.” And it was the truth. The song and dance of the list exhausted me, and I was ready to lay it to rest. “You have whatever blackmail material that the video is supposed to be. Take it out on me and leave Connor out of this.”
“But Connor’s in it,” Jade said, biting down on her bottom lip to suffocate her smile. It didn’t work, though, because the patronizing gleam was clear as day. “After all,hewas the one who put your name on the Most Likely To list.”
My first response was to laugh, a short, hard sound that ripped out of my throat. He wouldn’t have put my name on the list. He didn’t even know me then. The day he walked up to me in the hallway and asked me to tutor him, he didn’t even get my name right. But then again, hehadknown I was Maisie, the math tutor.
“If you’re in the Top Tier, you have to nominate someone for the list,” Jade went on, voice conversational now. Lighthearted. “If you don’t nominate someone, you’re put on it. That’s why Landon was on the list this year. Why our sweet Madison was on it.”
Over Jade’s shoulder, I could see tears swimming in Madison’s eyes, shimmering underneath the dull lamplight. I couldn’t figure out why they were there.
“Connor, though, came up with that label all on his own.Marry A Math Book. It’s kind of clever, right?”
Clever. The label that had dug its claws into my mind,clever. The label that had me questioning everything about myself.Clever.
When I risked a glance over my shoulder, I found Connor with his eyes closed, like he was annoyed she’d told the truth.
Like itwasthe truth.
“It was you?” I demanded, staring up at him, taking a page from his handbook and carefully curating an expression of utter blankness. My teeth felt like chattering, but I kept my jaw clenched. “Youput me on the list?”
Connor’s chest rose and fell sharply, and he shook his head a little as if to clear it. “I—yes, but—”
“That’s another reason you wanted to keep the tutoring a secret, then, isn’t it?” The ache behind my eyes trailed all the way to the back of my throat, but I swallowed past it. “You wouldn’t want it to get out that you’re a hypocrite, making fun of me and then asking for my help.”
The lies, the secrets—all piling up, accumulating to a crushing weight.
“Were you ever going to tell me? Of course not,” I went on with a scoff. “Not all the bribery in the world would’ve gotten me to tutor you then.”
Connor drew in a shaking breath, closing his eyes as if he were in pain. “Maisie.”
This entire time, I thought it had been Madison who’d given me the label. But it wasn’t. He didn’t know me at all, but he put me on the list.
Like little dominos falling into place, Madison’s comment from the other night at Expresso’s suddenly made so much sense.You asked Maisie to be your tutor?Did you ask her before or after the Most Likely Tos?
“Don’t be too mad at him,” Jade said, breaking through my rampant thoughts. “It’s not something you’d understand, but to stay on top, you’d do anything. Even throw your best friend under the bus. Right, Mads?”
Connor caught my hand, and when I glanced up, I saw it.Pain. It cracked into the hazel of his eyes, interjecting the color of sadness there. Just like before, that desperate urge to do something—anything—to alleviate it swept over me, but there was nothing I could do. It was like the sun shining down on a road, creating a water-like mirage on the pavement.
“Maisie,” he began, barely audible. “I know that it sounds—”
“Let her go, Connor,” Jade said, and this time, she came close enough to put her hand on his shoulder. “I won’t air your dirty laundry. I won’t tell the whole school you’re a cheater. We’ll win king and queen, and we’ll stay being the top of the Top Tier. That’s what you want, right? What you’ve always wanted?”
It was clear what Jade wanted. She’d said it herself.To stay on top, you’d do anything. Even sink her claws into a guy who was trying to break away, all for the sake of Brentwood Babble articles and people fawning over their “it couple” status.
The funny thing was—itstungthat Connor put me on the Most Likely Tos, sure. It hurt my feelings. But it was nothing compared to the way that he, after a brief moment of hesitation, did as Jade directed. His fingers slowly uncurled from my wrist, letting it fall.
I just keep thinking about how terrified I am of anyone finding out.
The rigid line to his shoulders made sense. He knew this was it—the moment everything could come crashing down. Instead of standing up, he backed into familiarity, afraid to lose it all. Even now, after he’d kissed me, he was too caught up in the popularity game. Before, I’d never pitied Connor, but now…it hurt to look at him.
I’d been wrong before.Nowwe’d stumbled upon the final chapter, flipping the book to a close.
