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I wasn’t sure what I’d hoped his voice would sound like, but I hadn’t been hoping for the nonchalant tone. “I don’t know yet. But maybe…maybe then I’ll kiss him.”
“There’s really no rush anymore, right?” Reed asked, but his tone became more serious. “Do it whenyouwant to. When it feels right.”
When it feels right. Like how kissinghimfelt right? With his hands on my waist and my hands in his hair? His bare collarbone, sharp and protruding through his skin, but so delicate to the touch?Thatkind of, right?
“Do you think I should’ve waited?” My voice dropped to a whisper. “To have my first kiss, I mean. With someone…else?”
Reed barely moved across the street, almost like time had frozen. So many feet separated us, but it was almost as if we stood right in front of each other. Yesterday, with him in my bedroom, tiptoeing that dangerous line had been thrilling. Now, looking at him this way, it feltscary. A part of me wanted to hang up before he answered.
“Honestly?” It was only one word, but it gave so many things away. His hesitancy. The way the word pitched up at the end hinted at the uncertainty. “In a selfish way…I liked being your first kiss. That I was the first person to know you that way.”
I was dead. Totally dead, and someone was pressing paddles to my chest and shoutingclear!Tingles tore through my body, potent as electricity, enough that I nearly dropped the phone.
Maybe I was looking into his response more than I should have. Maybe I wanted it to mean more than it did. All I knew was that here I was—struck with the reality that despite my best efforts, this boy had my butterflies at his beck and call. And it terrified me. “Reed—”
“Rachel’s coming upstairs.” His words were a quick rush as he turned away from the window. I hadn’t even had a chance to see his expression. “See you at school.”
And with that abrupt goodbye, the connection between us ended, illustrated even further by his curtains swinging shut. Even with him gone, I stood in the window for a moment longer, unable to pull my cell from my ear, if only to prolong the illusion of him about to say something else.
Don’t play with fire, my thoughts murmured, a sympathetic voice in this self-destruction. My phone chimed, and before my heart could skip a beat, I saw that it was from Maisie.Don’t get burned.
I already knew that it might’ve been too late.
“So, my mom actually has a doctor’s appointment today,” Josh said as he let us into his house, glancing quickly over at me. “But I told my sister about today, and she said she’ll be home. I don’t want you thinking I was trying to trick you or anything. I want you to be comfortable.”
Josh’s level of overthinking almost rivaled mine. It nearly made me laugh. “It’s fine either way. Really.”
Since I was going to Josh’s after last period, and maneuvering my bike into the back of his car would be tricky, I’d opted to walk to school today instead of catching a ride with Rachel and Reed. It seemed like the safer, wiser choice. Once school had gotten out, Josh waited for me by my locker, twirling his car keys.
“Have you thought about what kind of movie you’re in the mood for?” he asked, shutting the side door behind us. “Comedy? Horror? Rom-coms?”
“You watch rom-coms?”
“Hey, I have a varied taste.”
This time, I did laugh as I took residency on the L-shaped couch, right in the corner seat. It swallowed me like a hug. “Surprise me.”
“Got it. Popcorn?”
“Of course. Do you have extra butter?”
Josh’s dimple deepened further. “I’m not a monster.”
As he ducked into the hallway, I was once again struck by how easy things felt with him. Comfortable. Like we were friends—had been friends—for a while. It seemed like a good sign. The level of familiarity took away any tension that might’ve lingered from going to someone’s house for the first time. As I settled deeper into the couch, pulling a throw pillow into my lap, I felt perfectly content.
Josh’s house was pretty clean, but looked well-loved. Nothing looked brand new, but everything had that homey feel about it. It made me think about the overdue bills Mom had. Of course, we wouldn’t lose our house—I was sure Dad wouldn’t let us dig that deep of a hole, despite not helping financially—but I struggled to push down thewhat ifthoughts. What if Mom did sell the house? All of our lived-in furniture would be dragged out piece after piece. The bones of that homey feel would be transported to a new house, but there’d be no duplicating the comfort of Walnut Street. The memories I’d been building there for the last seventeen years would be handed over to a new owner who wouldn’t cherish them like I did. They’d paint over those memories, knock them down, renovate them until nothing old remained.
I shoved my hands underneath my legs, forcing the trembling to a standstill.
With the scent of buttery goodness in the air, Josh hurried back into the room. He sat down on the cushion to the right of me, creating a wave of movement along the old sofa springs, a large ornate bowl of popcorn cradled in his arms. He tipped it toward me, giving me easy access. “Thanks,” I told him, grabbing a handful.
“Can’t have a movie without popcorn.”
Josh shifted close enough for me to burst into hyperawareness. His face was angled at the TV, but it gave me a clear view of his profile. His nose was smaller than Reed’s, lips fuller, and the cheek that I could see was the dimpled one. When I’d kissed Reed, my fingertips had brushed his jawline. How would it feel to touch Josh there? To be close to him that way?
The corner of Josh’s mouth suddenly tipped upward. “Do I have something on my face?”
My cheeks burned hot. “N-No.”
