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It was a throwaway promise, and we both knew it. Ms. Murphy let me stand up, though, and walked to the door without calling after me.
* * *
By the time Mom got home, the need for confrontation had become impossible to ignore. The brief, intrusive meeting with Ms. Murphy had been in second period, but it left me simmering in the subject for the rest of the school day. I’d been hoping that this Monday would’ve been one of the rare times Mom beat me home—her normally jam-packed schedule usually meant she didn’t get home from work until around six. Surprise, surprise—the garage door started rolling up at 5:05.
I’d made a bullet list in my head, repeating it over and over the course of the three hours I’d been home.Their divorce, Dad not letting me come visit his apartment, Mom springing moving on me, and now Ms. Murphy. All the things she didn’t talk to me about, and then deciding to let someone else deal with it.
Mom came into the house through the side door in a symphony of jingling keys, clacking heels, and her realtor voice in full blast. “Yes, of course, of course, I’ll call the buyers now and see what they think. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure they’ll swing the price of a replaced water heater given all the other upgrades they’ve done to the house, but it’s worth a shot to ask. Mm-hmm. Yes, I think so.”
I was a ghost as Mom brushed by me without even making eye contact, absorbed in lugging her portfolio inside and saying all the right things. I might as well not have been there. “Are you willing to go half on the water heater?” she asked the caller, settling into a seat at the table. “Mm-hmm. Okay, I hear you. I’ll call you back with an answer hopefully by the end of the day.”
It was against her cardinal rule, but I did it anyway. Trying to talk to her during a phone call. “Mom.”
“I think that’s a completely valid point,” she went on, reaching up to take the claw clip from her hair. “I’ll bring that up as well.”
“Mom.”
“And like I said, I’ll call you with their answer.” She finally glanced up at me, and it was almost funny how kind her voice was versus how glacial her expression was. “Yes, of course. Mm-hmm. I’ll be in touch.”
As soon as she lowered her cell to end the call, I jumped. “Mom—”
“You know my rule about not interrupting me during a phone call unless it’s an emergency.” She looked me up and down. “I don’t see blood.”
I’d let the comment slide, only because I was going in for the kill. “I need to talk to you.”
“I need a few minutes. I’ve got a client thing to deal with.”
“This is important.”
“Ava,” Mom said as she looked through her contacts list on her phone, her tone already snapping to exasperation. “Ijustgot through the door. Give me a second, would you?”
A second? She’d had all weekend in her state of ignorant bliss. She got her second when she was probably in a bubble bath while I cried my eyes out in Reed’s bedroom. I opened my mouth to dish it out, but Mom had already placed her next phone call, shuffling through papers from her briefcase. Back on was the realtor voice as she babbled to the person on the other line. She got up and went to one of the cupboards in the kitchen she’d repurposed, pulling out an orange binder.
My anger came out in a burst. “It’s funny how you ask someone else to talk me through my feelings instead of bothering to do it yourself.”
Okay, so that wasn’t the plan—I was supposed to start off small and work my way to my frustrations—but starting off with the strong line was worth it for her reaction. It was the button-pushing I’d tried on Dad Saturday morning, only this time, it worked. Mom turned around so quickly that she lost her balance on her kitten heel, staggering to stay upright. The person on her call continued chattering, their voice an undecipherable stream of words.
“Can I call you back really quick? I’ll find those numbers and I’ll let you know.” Mom’s voice was level, expression clear. No indication anything was wrong. “Yes, of course. Give me five minutes.”
And then she hung up, and the Jenson household became a warzone with a ceasefire line created by the kitchen table.
“You’re talking about Mrs. Murphy?” Mom asked, tapping her fingers against her binder in aone-two-threesuccession. Slow. Methodical. “Why is that so important to discuss while I’m on a call?”
My lungs began to ache as if someone wrapped their fist around them, especially when her expression didn’t falter. “Why didn’tyoutalk to me, Mom? Why pawn me off on someone else? Because you didn’t want to listen to what I’d say? If you were really concerned, you would’ve talked to me yourself.”
“First of all, watch your tone, Ava.” It was spoken in that voice all moms had—a feigned calmness so low that it gave me chills. A true sign she was really upset. “Second of all, I figured—”
“Figured you were too busy to talk things through with me, right? Figured it was a waste of your time? All you had to do was say, ‘Hey, Ava, your father and I want to talk about something.’ Or ‘Hey, Ava, let’s talk about the house really quick.’ You spring things on me and make me deal with everything on my own.”
Mom let out a slow breath, but the grip on her binder tightened to the point where her knuckles turned white. She held her chin high, gaze on the refrigerator. Almost like she and it were having this argument. Like I wasn’t in the room. “I’m sorry you’re taking it so hard, but I have to make these calls before it gets any later.”
It was illustrated even further that when, without another word, Mom returned to her files and picked up her cell phone. She tried to hide it, but even from here, I could see her hands were shaking. “Hey, Peter, sorry,” she spoke into the phone, once more donning her realtor voice. “I’ve got those numbers right here for you. Yes, sure, let me know when you’re ready.”
I could’ve screamed.
Instead, I stomped over to the front door and slid on a pair of sandals, escaping into the yard. She didn’t try to stop me either, but then again, had I expected her to? I pulled shut the door behind me, letting it slam against the jamb, and I knew I might as well have been talking to myself.
As soon as I stepped out onto the front porch, I saw it.
