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I shook my head. “I’m… I'm such a mess. I can't stand for him to see me like this…”
“Ye hev tae fergive yerself, child. Marcus was a cruel soul. It's never easy takin’ a life, but wit ye did… It ‘ad tae be done.”
I sat there, silent as she took my hand, holding it tenderly. I closed my eyes, focusing on that touch. “I know. It’s just—” I couldn’t find the words to express the emotions that gripped me.
She sat quietly, allowing me the room to gather myself.
My lips trembled, swollen eyes burning as tears threatened to fall again. “I wish it hadn’t happened the way that it did. I wish I hadn’t been the one to do it.”
“I kno’ deary. I kno’.” She leaned in and wrapped her arm around my neck. I leaned into her embrace. The emotions that had been bottled up inside me began to overflow.
And I cried into her blouse.
* * *
After an hour of comforting, Ethel had finally convinced me to come out of the study. I’d lingered for a time after she left for the night. It wasn't until the sun had fully disappeared that I was able to summon the courage to take her advice.
The house was quiet as I opened the door. It felt empty, and I wondered if Damien was here, or if he had left to patrol with the others. I couldn’t blame him for leaving, for seeking a distraction from my avoidance.
Ethel had told me Damien hadn’t left the house once since we’d returned, likely trapped in his concern for me. I wanted so desperately to hold him, to kiss him, to tend to his wounds. I couldn’t bring myself to, though. The thought of how he might look at me terrified me.
How had I looked when I’d burned Marcus alive? Did I look happy as I did it? Would he see me differently? Would he see the monster Marcus had created?
My feet were quiet on the wood floor as I walked through the hall. The faint crackling of the fireplace reached my ears through the cased opening to the living room. I froze in the doorway.
His back was turned to me, sitting on the couch. My hand reached out, but I hesitated. I wanted so badly to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. How deeply I’d longed to see those beautiful eyes that I’d avoided over the last few days.
As if my wishes had willed themselves into the universe, his body suddenly tensed. His head tilted to the side, hesitating a moment, as if afraid to look. He turned his face back over the couch to see me.
His eyes locked with mine, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. What was he thinking? Everything in me screamed from the depths my desire to go to him, to embrace him, to kiss him and sooth all his pain and sorrow.
I couldn’t move my feet.
He rose slowly, staring as if I were a dream, a ghost. Those beautiful warm gray eyes of his burned into me, as if he were afraid that if he looked away, I might vanish. I took a step forward, but I couldn’t bring myself to approach him more than that. I’d caused him so much misery over the last few days. No, over the last month. I was the source of his pain, of every ounce of misery he’d experienced since we met.
I should have had him erase my memory that night, should have spared him the agony that followed.
As he grew closer, his eyes glided over me. Faster than I was prepared, he was within reach of me, his hands coming up, stopping before he touched me.
“Mea luna?” Those simple words set loose a sob in my throat, and my lips quivered as tears dotted my eyes.
He pulled me into a deep embrace, like I was a breath of fresh air he’d been so desperate for. He pressed his face into my hair, breathing deeply, and I cried against his chest, unable to hold it back any longer.
“I’m so sor—” He covered my mouth with his, and he pushed me against the doorway.
My hands stretched out, pulling him closer to me. It didn’t last long enough when he pulled back and held my face. I melted into the warmth of his skin. His eyes darted back and forth between my own. “No apologies. None.” He kissed me again.
His love poured into me wherever our skin met, pushing out the sorrow that had plagued me for days. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and he only broke our kiss to hold me. His heart pounded in my ear, his chest expanding and contracting as he breathed, the words slipping from his mouth on his breath. “I was afraid you would reject me if I tried to comfort you.”
I lifted my eyes to him. He looked like he had suffered little sleep. His skin was pale, and dark shadows loomed under his eyes. My fingers glided along his skin. He leaned his face into the palm of my hand, my heart swelled as he turned his face, pressing a kiss into my palm.
“I was so terrified that I would lose you again, that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me after everything that’s happened.” He leaned his head forward, his forehead resting atop my shoulder. His arms stretched around my waist, holding me to him.
“Mea sol,” I said, lifting his face to gaze into those beautiful eyes of his. “I am yours, for the rest of my life. Knowing you as I do now, there is no life I could ever live without you. I love you, so much." The words left my lips of their own volition and I blinked, shocked that I’d said it. But I did. I loved him so much, in a way that I never thought possible.
I couldn’t stop the words from pouring out my mouth. “I love you, and that’s probably foolish of me, and you probably think I’m naive for saying it.”
His mouth parted as he stared down at me. Shock and profound adoration filled his eyes. “You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to hear those words... How much I’ve missed them... Say it again.”
