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“Marcus did something like that to me… He got into my head. I—” I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the things he’d tried to do to me in Damien’s image. “He made me see things that weren’t really there.”
Damien’s eyes lowered and my fingers grew hot with the fury that burned in him. “I swear, Cas. I will make him pay for what he did to you.”
“I want to learn how to do what he did.” My voice was painfully even, so much so that I felt sick at the lack of sympathy I harbored. I wanted him to burn with the same agony I had.
No. What’s wrong with me?
What was I thinking? Was this how I really felt? Was this what I’d become? These dark feelings were familiar, having felt them when Marcus held me captive. Had Marcus turned me into such a monster I harbored so deep a desire to hurt someone in the ways I wanted to hurt him?
It was a darker part of me that I’d been too afraid to acknowledge, but I couldn’t deny the intense need to get back at him. It wasn’t just revenge, but the need to get even in a way that didn’t seem healthy.
“You will learn,mea luna. I’d love nothing more than to watch you crush him under the power I know you possess. He’s an insect compared to you.”
“Am I wrong for feeling like this?” I asked, heart racing as I fought the possibility that I was becoming a monster like him. “I feel so terrible, so angry at him, and yet…”
Damien was silent a moment. “You’re not like him, Cas. I can hear it in your voice. I know what you’re thinking. Give yourself some grace. What he did to you was absolutely unforgivable.”
I took a deep breath, pushing it from my mind, avoiding the truth that Damien tried to drown out. “You just want me to try to see your thoughts, right?”
I saw his eyes flicker, hearing the avoidance in my tone, but he let me avoid it. I wasn’t ready to face it, didn’t know if I would ever be ready to.
“Yes, as I said when you entered Cole’s mind, it’s easier to start with touch. You’re better grounded to your target that way. Once you’ve learned how to do it properly, you can do it to someone from a distance. Until then, we start with touch.” He gripped my hands gently. “I’m ready when you are.”
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I focused on his hands in mine. I could feel the connection he spoke of, feel it in my fingertips, in my palms. Every place our skin touched was almost electric, a strange energy that I’d never paid attention to. I focused in on it and allowed my mind to wander through that touch.
“Just tell me what I’m thinking.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper. “A single word.”
Find the thread, use it to guide the way. I focused, searching in the darkness for words or images, anything. Then, out of the darkness, I saw myself, it was almost like looking in a mirror. I was sitting before me, holding my hands. It was then that I realized I was looking through Damien’s eyes at myself. I shrunk back in surprise, dropping his hand.
“What did you see?” he asked.
“I saw through your eyes just now. It was weird.” I shivered, chills breaking out over my skin.
He chuckled. “You went a bit further than I’d planned. I was going to have you focus on a word I was thinking. That’s a strong start, though. I’ll take it. Now, we just need to practice until you can do that intentionally.”
I smiled, feeling optimistic. “Ok, let’s try again.”
* * *
Hours passed, the mental toll beginning to wear on me. I’d gotten to the point where I could read what he was thinking, see what he was seeing, and was beginning to see images as he imagined them. It wasn’t enough, though. I needed to be able to navigate memories. I needed to be able to get more information out of Cole.
“Let’s go ahead and stop there.”
I leaned against my knees, breathing through the nausea. “No, I want to try one more time.”
“Mea luna—”
“I’m so close, Damien. One more time, please.”
He sat there a moment, sighed, and held his hands out one more time. “Last time. I don’t want to push you too far. You’re not immortal, ok? You’re only human, you have limits.”
I inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath before I reached forward again, taking his hands into my own as I closed my eyes. I sank into the depths of his mind, stretched out vast as an ocean.
From the darkness, I found myself standing in the most beautiful hall, like a ballroom in a castle. There were no walls, save the columns that held the roof high above us. The sun shined through intricate glass that reached from floor to ceiling, the colored glass swirling in beautiful designs. A warm summer breeze blew across the space and the smell of grass and forest filled my senses.
The air was almost misty around me as my eyes took it all in. A crowd of people congregated in the center, dressed in beautiful gowns. They moved together in fluid movements, dancing and singing. There was such wonderful energy here, so much happiness that I could feel it from across the room.
I stood on the outer edges of the great hall, leaning against one of the stone columns, the warmth of the sun’s rays falling on my back as I watched the festivities from afar. Music echoed throughout the area, and those who weren’t dancing stood idly nearby, drinking and chatting. It was a celebration of sorts, though I didn’t know what they were celebrating.
