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They walked outside and met no creatures, then entered the cave from where he’d left that other time, leading out of this dead end, this point of no contact with any passages. Last time he’d been here, he had meant to protect her, to make sure she survived, even if it cost his life. It was a relief to know that they were leaving together, both of them getting out of this together.
He was about to find the path to Aluria, when Ursiana said, “Put me down.”
“Can you stand?”
“I don’t know. We have to stop. Stop, Azir. Or put me down and go. I’m not leaving.”
“What is it?”
“I… put me down.”
“We’re in the hollow, there’s nothingness here. I can’t put you down.”
“We can’t go to Aluria. Not yet.”
She could be delirious. Still, he tried to understand what she meant.“Where do you want to go?”
“My daughter.”
* * *
It wasstrange to wake up from such a long stupor. River still tried to parse out all that he’d done. How much had been his own free will, how much had been Cynon’s influence, and then, how much had been plain old stupidity?
Yet this was not the time to untangle all the threads, to trace back the steps that had brought him here, but to try to identify what could be useful. Clues, resources, plans, there was a little bit of each here and there, if only he could settle his mind and smother his guilt and shame.
River now remembered—in clear details—the horrific way in which he had killed his father. And yet he also remembered when he had made Naia sleep, believing he was worried about her, and yet not knowing why. There had always been this nagging sensation that something was wrong, but it had been blurry, confusing… Even then, he should never have taken Naia’s free will, and yet, what was that compared to the long list of his regrets?
He still failed to remember completely how he had come back to Aluria after being thrown in the hollow by Naia’s kiss, and yet he remembered his stubbornness, his plan to go to Ironhold. Where had that come from? And there was more. His stomach chilled.
River had been a prisoner, confined to a dark, horrific place, until he fought to get back. With a lot of strength, all he got were some glimpses, pieces of himself. Now he saw his chance to set himself free, and wanted to kill that dreadful creature who had dared take his place, had dared enslave him.
Darkness dissipated, and he realized with horror that he had his hands on Naia’s throat, and pulled them out quickly. “Naia?”
“River?” Her voice carried a smile. “Is that you?”
He was going to say,Who else could it be?when it all came back to him in a flash. In the last few moments, having glimpses that he had to be killed, he had been putting all his effort into ensuring Naia would have the chance to do so, and yet he was back, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from him, a veil had been ripped, chains had been broken.
“It’s me, Naia. What did you do?”
There was concern in her pretty dark eyes. “Are you hurt?”
“You freed me.” River closed his eyes, as memories and memories made him mortified. He sat on the mattress and rested his face on his hands. “I don’t think I was normal, Naia. From the moment I came back again…” A horrible bitter feeling came to his mouth.
“I know.” She smiled. “To be fair, I did tell you that your excuse for helping Ironhold made no sense.”
Naia then took her dress and pulled it over her. This was the first time he was seeing her undressed, as he had been careful with that and given her time, knowing it was a big deal for humans. He had been confused in the glimpses he had, but had known she had a plan. “You were afraid the fire from the clothes would burn me?”
She looked down, a little shy. “Yes.”
“How did you know fire would free me?”
Her lips formed a straight line. “I didn’t.”
He exhaled, so much relief, horror, shock, especially after spending his last minutes believing he was trailing the edge of death. “I thought you were going to kill me.”
“And you didn’t resist?”
This was a little complicated to explain. “No. I… I could see a little, I was partly aware. It wasn’t me, I wasn’t in control. And yet I still had some magic, some mindmelding. I could convince this horrific thing inside me that you were harmless, that this was a great opportunity to amplify his magic.” He swallowed. “I trusted you.”
