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She smiled and shook her head. “I guess… these things take a while to sink in.”
“Dragon lords for me were a legend of times long gone, of magic that no longer existed. I had no idea they still lived across the ocean, and no idea they were actually dragons. I can’t imagine Fel as a dragon. I heard the words, and yet…”
“He was very brave. They all were.” She looked down. “I… apologized to your son. For not passing on his proposal to Leah. There was more to it. I guess someone falsified a note. I’m still sorry for my part.”
He got up and took her hand. “If Ironhold was determined to marry your daughter, there wasn’t much you could have done. I’m glad they didn’t try to kill him—unless they did and failed. I know they haven’t told us everything.”
Her hand was still holding his, as she looked down. “So much to do.”
He swallowed.What now?was the question he wanted to ask. Despite everything that was happening, he wanted to ask what of him and her. It felt real when they had been in the hollow, as if all their problems had been fixed, all their wounds healed, and yet now, when it was time to make it all real, all he felt was a creeping dread that some things could never be fixed.
Was he a coward? Perhaps the solution to his fear of hearing anowas simple. Instead of asking, he should just suggest something. “We’ll… need to think about our wedding.” All he could hear was his heart counting the seconds until she scowled and asked him if he was crazy.
“Wedding?” She smiled, though, a sweet, lovely smile. “We’ll need to wait a few months. I’m still officially mourning my husband. Iammourning my best friends. It’s not fair that so many evil people are still alive, while they… They were good. And now they are gone.”
He held her hand tighter. “We can wait. What’s a few months after twenty years? We’ll need to tell our children.”
She shook her head and laughed. “I don’t know what Leah will think, frankly. It seems she knows, though. She knows she’s a deathbringer, and yet, confessing to her my mistakes still fills me with shame.”
“Shame?”
“You have no idea how many times I went over our night. That night. How many times I wished I had saidno, how many times I wished I hadn’t let you into my bedroom, how many times I thought that if only I had done things differently, I wouldn’t have ruined everything. That blame… that fear… All I wanted was for her never to suffer what I did. So many nights I could only look back and hate myself for my foolishness, hate myself for being… a loose woman.”
Her words were puzzling. “I thought you hatedme.”
“Hate is like love. There’s always more where it comes from.”
“So you thought I used you and discarded you, and you were blamingyourselffor it? If anything, if I had really done that, you should be glad to get rid of me.”
“But I was pregnant and would never be able to have a proper marriage again, never be able to find love again. Call me foolish, but you hear these things so much, eventually you believe them. Eventually you believe it’s your fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s notyourfault. I could say it’s my mother’s fault, but she also probably heard it somewhere. It’s self-loathing poison, Azir.”
Tears were rolling down her eyes, and he reached out a hand to wipe them. “Most poisons leave your system with time. You just have to flush them well.”
“I’m trying.”
“I can talk to her,” he offered.
“You’ll have to. But so will I.”
Her eyes were brilliant from crying. He touched her lips, then kissed her. This was real, not some hollow-induced hallucination. She was real, sitting in his office, in his kingdom, kissing him while the children rested.
* * *
Naia was walking fastto her father’s office, River after her.
“What is it?” he asked. He had glamoured his clothes to look more decent, which made sense.
“I don’t know.”
She put her hand on the handle.
River frowned. “You should knock.”
Naia rolled her eyes, pushed the door—and saw her father and the Frostlake Queen kissing.
