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He gulped. "I didn't want to stammer when I met you. I wanted to perfectly tell you my side of the story."
She closed her eyes at the memory of Chris trying to squeeze the words out of his mouth as he'd choked himself. This was why he'd been away. He wanted to strip himself of any feelings or emotions before talking to her.
"I'll tell you what happened in Aquaville," he said, "I was not involved."
She looked at him and instantly wanted him to leave. "I don't want this."
"Why?"
"Don't be like this. Don't be hollow." Her heart beat unevenly slow. Tired. She was too tired of everything.
"I have to," he said, as if in a meeting.
Her eyes filled up with tears. "It's frustrating me."
His face didn't fall. He didn't wrap her up in his arms. He didn't stammer for her. "I'm sorry that it does."
"Chris? Please be you."
"I am me. If you would only listen to me."
She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. "What happened that day?"
He held her with his gaze, unflinching. "Xavier killed himself."
She knew it. Alex had told her. Yet, hearing it from Chris in his uncaring, calm voice made her heart sink. A sob vibrated through her body and spilled out of her mouth.
Chris remained seated.
She looked at him with blurry vision, her heart breaking. "Why?"
"I don't know."
Another sob. She had done this. She was the culprit. If she'd kept her mouth shut, Xavier never would've been pushed over the edge.
"It wasn't your fault," Chris said but the words didn't sink in. It was the flat tone of his voice that made her feel like she was talking to someone else.
So, she cried. Covering her face with her hands, she cried, nausea building up. "Please, please be yourself! I can't take this! I can't!"
He stayed silent. He didn't comfort her.
She looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "Chris?"
He nodded stiffly.
"What happened to you?"
His expression didn't shift.
"Please," she said. "Please... You're the only person left in my life. I have no one... Please don't take yourself away from me..."
He stared at her for a long while, then closed his eyes, his face scrunching in pain. "Don't do this to me, Elle."
Her heart sank at the nickname. She hiccuped with a sob. "Please..."
He looked at her, his eyes red. "I've kept myself away from you only because I didn't trust myself enough to be able to speak in your presence. My heart breaks when I look at you, Elle. My words choke me!"
This was Chris.Her Chris."I don't care!"
