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Chris gave her the document. She saw the printed copy of their airplane tickets that was dated the fourteenth of July in the morning. She pursed her lips and handed the document back to him.
"I was going to come to you that day with this evidence. I had spent the entire night in pain, thinking that you hated me, so I was coming to you, Elle..." He scrunched the document in his fist. "The doorbell rang, and I thought it was you. I ran to the door and opened it, but it wasn't you.
"He was furious. I thought he was there because of you, because you were with me now, or because of the fight we'd gotten into before. I don't know. But then he said her name... Amara. And I was stunned, Giselle. You'd told me the previous night that she was Xavier's sister, but when Xavier hit me for her, all I thought about was that you... You told him. You d-didn't hear my side of the story... You d-didn't give me a chance. I was so shocked by this p-p-pain of b-b-betrayal that I stood and let him hit me. I deserved it for not saving his s-sister." He exhaled. "You know the rest."
She gulped, wanting to hurt herself for what she'd done. She blinked a few times and tried to find a reply, but nothing came. There was nothing she could say to remedy what she'd done.
"I don't care about myself at this moment, Elle. I don't care that I felt betrayed. The consequences were far more severe than a heartbreak," he said silently, his voice cracking, "Xavier killed himself..."
That's when it sank in. The realization hit her like a brick. Xavier had killed himself because ofher.
She closed her eyes and choked on oxygen. Chris wrapped her up in his arm without any questions and let her cry as much as she wanted. She sobbed till her lungs were tired, till her throat was sore, till her eyes swelled.
She didn't know how long it took for her to stop crying, but once she did, she pulled back from him, wiping her tears away, and said, "I'm sorry."
She looked up at him when he remained silent. His eyes were wet as if he, too, mourned his death.
"Xavier killed himself because of me," she whispered, warm tears finding their way back onto her face.
He didn't deny it. "Why did you tell him?" She could hear the heartbreak in his words.
She shook her head. "I don't know. I didn't mean to. He came to say goodbye, and it just happened! I said the wrong thing, and he figured it out! And now nothing matters because he's gone! He killed himself! How do you walk away from that?"
He took a deep breath as she covered her face with her hands, wanting to peel her skin off with her nails. Her body ached. Her head threatened to burst.
Chris grabbed her hands and held them. "Giselle, listen to me." She looked at him. "It's gonna be okay. We'll get through this. It's not your fault."
She stared at him, her vision blurred.Who was he trying to convince?"Yes, it is."
He shook his head. "No, it's not. He was too far gone."
"And I pushed him off the edge! I don't know what to do!" She hiccuped "I want to scream. I want to scratch my eyes out! I want to..." She inhaled sharply. "He used to hurt himself... He used to cut himself."
Chris yanked her to him with enough force that it caught her by surprise. Her tears halted. "Don't even think about it!"
She wished Xavier had someone who'd stopped him, too. She wished he also had someone who'd said these words to him... She wished there was someone who'd saved him as well. "He died..."
Chris nodded. "He did. I wish there was something we could've done for him. I do, Elle. I really wish we could've saved him despite whatever happened. But right now, nothing can be changed, and I will not let you drown."
Her body shivered as she whispered, "What do I do?"
He waited. "Right now? You eat."
"I don't wanna."
"I don't care."
Chris spoon-fed her the porridge for the next thirty minutes. It was a long process because she'd burst into tears from time to time. He was patient with her, and Giselle couldn't thank the Heavens enough for blessing her with a man like him, even as the guilt of pushing Xavier to his demise ate her up on the inside.
Once done, he tucked her into the hospital bed and lay next to her, wrapping her up in his arms. Her body felt too weak as it shuddered with the aftermath of the breakdown. He held her tight, her face pressed against his chest that vibrated as he hummed a melody.
She heard him sing till she felt her eyelids getting heavier.
She heard him sing till the darkness engulfed her and took her into the peaceful land of dreams.
She heard him sing in the middle of the night when her eyes fluttered open for a split second.
He was still humming when the morning light seeped through the curtains.
