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One step in front of the other. She told herself to keep moving until she stood in front of him. He let out a shuddering breath.
"I thought you wouldn't come," said Xavier, his voice hoarse.
She had to battle the dilemma between her heart and her brain the entire day before she understood what she felt more. She let her lips stretch into a small smile. "I just want to know the truth. Will you give it to me today?"
She raised her hand for him in an invitation. He blinked twice at her, as if in disbelief, then walked a few more steps till he held her hand in his outstretched one.
He nodded and said quietly, "Will you believe me?"
She smiled in response.
He led her to the big rock, the mid-afternoon sun partly hidden behind silver clouds. He sat on the edge and looked up at her. Instead of sitting beside him, she sat on the opposite edge and rested her back against his. He let out a sigh but stayed silent for a few minutes.
Just when she was about to ask him, he said, "Before I tell you why I joined the gang or the things that led up to it, I just want you to know that I'm not making any excuses for the things that I've done." He exhaled. "And you're the first person I'm telling this to. I want you to listen patiently. I want you to let me complete."
His words sounded rehearsed as if he'd repeated this in his head several times before they met today.
"It took all of my strength to forget the memories that haunted me before I let myself love you. I don't like what it does to my head. It makes my world black and white and turns my vision red. I'm angry, Giselle," he said quietly. "I'm so angry, and I don't want you to see that side of me."
She didn't know if she was breathing properly. She stayed silent and let him say anything and everything he needed to.
Xavier, getting no reply from her, continued, "I'll understand if you wanna walk away after this."
She gulped. He was stripping his soul bare for her. Did she have it in herself to walk away?
"We used to live in Aquaville," said Xavier. "It's the most beautiful village in Nicoladafus, overlooking the ocean. When we were kids, we used to play in the water all the time as if we owned it.
"Our family was okay, I guess. I loved them with everything I had. My mother was the most selfless woman on this earth. The most compromising. Sacrificing. Beautiful. She took care of us in whatever way possible.
"Anyway, I had a younger sister. Amara." He winced as if her name burned. "I used to protect her even when we were kids. The tourists at the beach used to pick on her. I got into a fight almost every day and came home bloody. I wasn't a match for them by any means, but I had to protect my sister.
"Our parents didn't have enough money to send us to school, but our mom used to teach us everything she could. She'd save up little by little to get us things we wanted. She'd get nothing for herself. I don't think she knew that I noticed that. And my father..." Giselle heard him gulp audibly. "It was about time everything fell apart."
Giselle's breaths quickened. His words came as all over the place as his thoughts probably were.
"I was twelve. He came home drunk one day, which was almost every day of the week. He hit my mom." Xavier fell silent for a few moments. "He slapped her and I saw its imprint on her face. He'd never hit her in front of us before. Or maybe, our mom never let us see the abuse. I don't know.
"That day, when I stared at her, she gave me a small smile. It was my queue to leave them. I took Amy's hand and went into our room.
"They fought that night. Not with words. It's not usually a fight, though, when you are getting beaten up by someone, without even trying to shield yourself." He paused, then exhaled shakily. "He kept hitting her, and I could feel her keeping down the screams so that we wouldn't be affected. But we did. We heard everything. I was so scared. Amy had plugged her fingers into her ears. She was eight at that time, I think. She was confused. Scarred.
"I knew it was different that day." He stilled, then let out a loud breath as if he was punched. "I ran out of the room and into the kitchen. I can't forget—" His voice cracked.
Giselle's body shuddered. She got up from the rock and walked around it to the front. She knelt on the grass and looked up at him.
He didn't look at her. Instead, he kept his red eyes on the floor beside her as he continued, "I can't forget what I saw." His face scrunched in pain. "He'd grabbed her by her hair and he—" He exhaled. "He punched. He kicked. She was bleeding."
"Why?" Giselle whispered.
He didn't look at her. "I don't know. What's a good reason to beat someone? Maybe he was asking for the money she'd earned after working odd jobs. Maybe my spineless father wanted it for his addictions. Maybe he was angry she was friends with Bobby. I don't know.
"I didn't know what to do..." He looked at her. "You don't know what it did to me! Something snapped inside me that day! No one will ever understand!"
Goosebumps formed all over his visible skin. Giselle's eyes filled up with tears but she tried to blink them away. He looked away again and inhaled deeply.
"Then he pulled out the gun. I took his hunter's knife from the utensils' stand and ran! But I was too late! I should've reacted sooner! He fired the gun and everything went silent. I don't know how but I buried my knife in his back repeatedly. I must have blacked out but... It all happened in a blur! Both my parents were dead before I could process any of it."
He got quiet for a few moments, never once glancing at her. She stared at him, unsure of what she felt.
