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Chapter 17
Beth shut the door of the gallery behind her, the sound of the movie abruptly muting. Then she began to do a slow inventory of the displays, noting what was on show and what wasn’t and thinking about what gaps there were.
Anything to distract herself from meeting Finn’s dark gaze across the heads of the people watching the movie and feeling her heart tumble like an acrobat over and over in her chest.
Seeing the walls behind his eyes. Walls he was never going to lower for her, and she knew that. She could sense it. He was protecting himself fiercely, locked up tight like an oyster.
She understood. Letting people in was hard. But she could still feel the pressure of Izzy’s and Indigo’s grips on her hands, steadying her, letting her know they were there, and she knew while it was hard, it was also worth it to lower those walls and let people in.
People you trusted. But maybe that was the problem.
She loved him, she could admit that now, and while she’d never demand his love in return, she did need his trust. And it seemed obvious that he wasn’t going to give it to her, or the most secret, essential part of himself.
In which case how was it ever going to work between them? How would their marriage survive without trust? How would they ever be a family together?
If he doesn’t let you in, then you’re never going to be a family.
Beth’s throat closed, the thought much more painful than it had any right to be.
Oh lord, but she was tired of feeling like crying every five seconds. It was getting old.
She moved over to the counter to have a look in the stock book, then heard the gallery door open behind her. She turned to find Finn coming in, closing the door behind him.
Her heartbeat sped up, her palms feeling sweaty. Ridiculous to feel like this every time he was near, especially given she’d been living with him for the past two weeks. But then that seemed to be her stock response to him. He made her feel like an overwrought teenage girl in the grip of her first crush.
He took a couple of steps toward her, then stopped, his hands where they customarily were, which was in the pockets of his worn jeans.
God, he was gorgeous. Dark and brooding and powerful. No wonder she felt like a teenager when he was around.
No wonder you’re in love with him.
Yeah, well, she could do with being in love with him a little less, because quite frankly it sucked every bit as much as she’d thought it would.
“Hi,” she said, the word coming out breathless. “Did you…want something?”
“You wanted to talk, Beth. So here I am.”
“Oh, I thought we were going to do that after the movie.”
“I saw you leave, and I’ve seen the movie before.” He lifted a shoulder. “If you want to talk, here I am.”
Crap. She did want to talk, but now that he was standing there with his dark, enigmatic gaze on hers, she felt nervous.
She swallowed, reaching for her pendant and feeling the reassurance of the cool silver against her palm. Sunny, her daughter, a reminder of what Beth had promised her—to find happiness and strength, a new life worthy of her daughter.
She could do this. Shehadto. For their child’s sake.
“Okay, fine.” She lifted her chin. “So…what are we doing, Finn? How exactly do you see our marriage working? Because right now it feels like it’s not going to, and we’re not even married yet.”
He didn’t move, not saying anything for a moment. But that was the way with him. He took his time before he spoke.
“So, what do you need?” His voice was low, husky. “What do you need from me? You said something about a road map.”
She had. She’d wanted some way of navigating around the topics he didn’t want to talk about, some way of knowing what his boundaries were so at least she wouldn’t end up inadvertently hurting him.
But that wasn’t going to work now. Because actually she didn’t want to avoid those topics. She wanted him to trust her enough to talk about them, and if he couldn’t fill in the parts that were quicksand and briars, at least she could help make them less boggy and sharp.
That was what a partnership was, wasn’t it? It was supposed to be about mutual support, about sharing the load.
