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Some of the anxiety slid away from Justin’s expression. No one would take away this moment of joy for Jessica. She, Justin, and Chris had plenty to deal with as a throuple rather than a couple. The two husbands thing didn’t always make their lives easy, though Adam had a feeling they’d be happy to have the extra hands once their baby was born.
Granted, he didn’t think he’d be able to share Angel in order to have a third parent, but sometimes… yeah, it was tempting.
He’d also have someone to bond with about feeling rejected, unwanted, and like a third wheel to his own child.
Pity party of one, your table is here. Why don’t you go cry in the corner and masturbate about it?
Sadly, that summed up about where he was.
“Let’s focus on you, for right now, since nothing is officially happening with me, Chris, and Jessica.” The stern look Justin gave him only lasted a second before a grin slipped through. Chuckling, Adam pulled his friend into a half hug.
“Yeah, well, you might as well know since you might go through it soon as well. Babies kill your sex life, which I knew, but there’s this thing where some women don’t want to be touched at all after. It’s like an overstimulation thing. Melody spends all her time cuddling and snuggling with Angel, so when I try to touch her, she doesn’t like it.”
“Ouch.” Justin’s gaze was torn between sympathy and horror—probably picturing himself in Adam’s place and with a second husband who would also want to touch her.
“It doesn’t happen to everyone,” Adam tried to reassure him, but he knew his tone wasn’t convincing. After all, he was the one currently living with it.
The lack of sex he could deal with, though it sucked. It was the fact Angel didn’t seem to want to touch him at all, especially because she had been an incredibly cuddly person. Her libido had died during pregnancy, but she’d still wanted to snuggle and hold his hand. Not so much anymore.
Now he felt rejected and disconnected from her on multiple levels.
“Have you talked to her about it?”
“That’s about all we do.” He sighed. “I don’t want to push it because I don’t want her to feel pressured or like she has to. It’s not something she’s consciously controlling. When I reach for her hand, her first impulse is to jerk away, but she immediately course-corrects and reaches for me and takes my hand, but that knee-jerk reaction still hurts.”
Absentmindedly rubbing his chest, right over his heart, he felt an echo of the same pang that hit him whenever Angel pulled away from him. Knowing she felt guilty only made him feel worse and also more determined not to pressure her, but that resulted in him feeling lonelier than ever and the gap between them widening.
Basically, it sucked giant balls all around, and he had no idea what to do.
“That really fucking sucks,” Justin said.
“The perils of parenthood no one warns you about.” Adam sighed, running his hand through his hair, knowing it was messing up the blond locks and not caring. Looking pristine had lessened in importance after Melody was worn. He still wore his suits to work and button-down shirts even when he was casual, but sometimes, they had spit up or drool on them, he forgot to put on his tie, or his socks were mismatched. One time, he’d gone so long without shaving, his goatee had turned into a beard. “It probably wouldn’t be so bad if she was like that with anyone else, but it’s just me.”
“Maybe because you’re the only one she sees with any regularity,” Justin suggested. “When she sees the rest of us, it’s usually been a while. Angel’s a people person, through and through.”
“I’m people,” Adam muttered.
Justin chuckled.
“You are people, but you’re people she sees every day. When she sees the rest of us, she hasn’t seen us in a while. We get to see you guys… what, on weekends? And not every weekend. You hardly come to Stronghold anymore, and when you do, you don’t stay very long.”
Huh. That was a good point. It wasn’t that Angel preferred others’ company to his. She saw the others, but it was unusual now. When they went to Stronghold, they were both so busy ignoring the fact they weren’t having sex, they didn’t stay long. Angel’s mom, Jade, was happy to play babysitter, but she usually wanted to be home before midnight, which was entirely reasonable.
When they weren’t at Stronghold, they still had to ask Jade or someone else to watch Melody if they wanted to focus on anything other than the baby.
When Melody was first born, it was easy to hang out with their friends. She snuggled, fed, or slept through all of it. Now, she was a lot more active, always wanting to explore and move around. Hanging out was less about what they wanted to do and more about what Melody wanted to do.
Adam sighed.
“Maybe we can set up a regular date to go to Stronghold.” See if Jade wouldn’t mind a standing babysitting night with her granddaughter. So far, she’d been happy to dote on Melody whenever she could. Out of everyone in their lives, they probably saw Jade the most.
Hmm. Angel wasn’t as touchy-feely with her mom as she used to be. That realization made him feel a little better. Maybe it wasn’t just him. Maybe it was easier for her to hug the people she didn’t get a chance to see often, specifically because it wasn’t something she had the opportunity to do regularly anymore. At least, he could tell himself that.
“You should definitely come to Stronghold sometime soon,” Justin agreed.
Adam nodded absentmindedly. They were almost back to the door to the building. It could have been the walk in the brisk air or the chat, but he was feeling a little better than he had when they left.
“Then you should talk to Olivia.”
Adam made a face.
