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“Not the spa. I think I’ll spend the weekend in the city. I’ve been wanting to go, a weekend away to recharge.” She couldn’t believe how easily the lie slipped off her tongue. She felt guilty lying, but not as guilty as she should.
Ashley chimed in. “That’s a great idea, Mom.”
Justin added, “You definitely should go.”
Her heart twisted. She didn’t like pulling her children into her deception.
Luke put his phone down. “And what about the kids?”
Tilly was about to say he could stay home with them, hell, take them somewhere. What a novel idea, but Justin beat her to it when he said, “We’re old enough to be on our own.”
“That’s not the point,” Luke said sternly.
Tilly put her fork down and linked her fingers on her lap, trying to control her temper. “And what is the point, Luke?”
“You have a responsibility here.”
“So do you, but you’ve been slacking on them for years.” She shot back, then felt badly doing this in front of the kids. “If you’re done, you can take your dessert into the family room.”
Ashley and Justin didn’t hesitate, jumping up from the table. They understood the undercurrent and were getting out of Dodge. She waited to hear the television before she continued, “I’ve never taken time for myself. I don’t go out with the girls, I don’t go on vacations, I don’t get my hair done every six weeks or my nails done every week. I give everything to this family, so I am taking a weekend for myself.”
“Why?”
Tilly bit her tongue, didn’t share what was really going on in her head. Didn’t say she wanted a weekend to spend it with a man who wanted to be with her. That she was so tired of a husband who was never around and when he was, he only found fault...reminding her of all the areas he found her lacking.
“Because I ask for nothing, but I need some time for me.”
Luke sat back in his chair. “We’ll schedule a weekend, and I’ll take you.”
Her body went numb at the thought, but she kept her voice even. “I’ve wanted you to take me into the city for years and you never have. Besides, you coming with me defeats the whole point. Me time. Not us time.”
“And what are we supposed to do while you’re gone?”
Tilly stood and reached for her plate. Her hands shook but not from nerves. Excitement. She stood, looking her husband in the eyes while her body warmed thinking about another man. That made her a terrible person, but she was a terrible person who intended on making the weekend worth the guilt she’d feel later. “The fact that you have to ask that should be a flag, Luke.” She started from the room and couldn’t stop the smile that Luke couldn’t see. “I’ll let you know my plans when I’ve made them.”
_______________
After dropping the kids off for their after-school activities, Tilly went to the mall. She bought a few things, well, only bras and panties. In the dressing room, as she tried them on, she studied herself in the mirror and even with the want and excitement burning through her, insecurity was there, too, that Gage would see her, all of her. She tried not to focus on the flaws, but she lingered on the stretch marks that marred her stomach and thighs. Her stomach that was fuller than it should be, even with her constant dieting. Her breasts weren’t the perky breasts they once were. She studied her reflection. What was she doing? She looked away, taking off the bra and dropping it on the chair. Reaching for her own. She didn’t even hesitate to jump at the opportunity of being with Gage, but the reality was different. She was a mother of two, her body showing the evidence of that. Her sex life had never been great, no, that wasn’t true. In the beginning, it had been amazing, but it had been so long since she and Luke had been intimate...was part of that her fault? She dropped down on the chair, bending in half as her stomach twisted in knots. Could she really do this? She wanted to, she wanted so much to see what it could be like, but was she really the kind of woman who could share something so intimate with another man...despite what she felt for him? She almost texted him. She almost called it off, but then she remembered their day at the park. The way he looked at her with her hair plastered to her head, her makeup running, but all he saw was beauty. She’d seen that clearly in his expression. She looked back at herself in the mirror, stood and really looked at her body. Yes, she was flawed because she was real, and it was the woman staring back at her that Gage wanted to spend the weekend with. And despite her nerves and insecurities, she really wanted that too.
The following morning, Tilly placed her new pale pink lace panties and matching bra in her suitcase. Her reservations were made. Her bag was almost packed. She was going to see him. In a few short hours, she was going to see Gage, a man she hadn’t been able to get out of her thoughts since almost the moment they met. She knew she was playing with fire, had so many reasons to back out, to come to her senses, but she had only one reason to go...he made her feel alive.
So lost in her thoughts and surprised to see Luke home because he’d left for work hours ago, she jumped when he appeared in their room.
Absently, she blurted out, “What are you doing home?”
He grabbed the collar of a blouse, unfolding it as he lifted it. “Don’t you think this is a little fancy for a ‘me’ weekend?”
Tilly couldn’t help the anger. He never paid her any attention, but she’s off for a weekend, and he’s home, checking up. “Is that why you’re here? To check up on me?”
“Didn’t get a chance to say goodbye earlier, you were sleeping.”
Tilly had her doubts about that, and worse, feared her husband might suspect something. But even as she thought that, she dismissed it because he needed to be around to suspect something. It didn’t stop the guilt from twisting her stomach, but it also stirred anger. He never paid her any attention. Blew off the only date they’d made in months. He hadn’t touched her in forever, except for that one night. He didn’t care why she was going into the city. All he knew was that she was leaving, putting the responsibility for his own life in his hands. That’s what he didn’t like. How had she not seen how selfish he had grown?
Tilly snatched the blouse from his hands. “I haven’t been to the city in years. I have every intention of treating myself to dinner.”
Luke lifted her new panties. Her heart dropped. “Never seen these before.” Luke bit out.
The lie was easier to say than it should have been. “If you spent even a fraction of the time you spent at work, here, you would know all kinds of things.”
