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She hadn’t seen him. Since they were brought in, she had yet to see him. Even with all the pain they’d caused, she missed him. Knew that despite what was happening now, they were right to risk it. She only hoped he still thought so too.
The door opened; Luke appeared. He looked older, the weight of her betrayal hanging heavy on him. He didn’t move close to her. He hadn’t touched her since she woke. She couldn’t say she blamed him.
“The kids are at the hotel with Candice. She’ll visit tomorrow.”
She couldn’t think about Candice at the moment. She’d have to pay penitence for that too but right now she knew she was going to be paying it to Luke.
He moved to the window, his back to her. “I’m not going to ask for the details,” he said in a hard whisper. “I’m not going to make you recount these past…” he stopped talking and his hands fisted. “I don’t even want to know how long it’s been going on.” He pulled a hand through his hair, his shoulders tensed, his body held so stiffly that he’d crack if he moved too suddenly. The guilt that hadn’t left her since she woke, weaved through her, causing her to fist her blanket. Her eyes burning, witnessing Karma whipping back around, hurting the ones she loved.
The hardness left his tone when he spoke again. “I could make it easy for you. I could let you walk out of our life. You clearly want to. And I can admit to not being around, to being partly responsible for you looking for what I wasn’t giving you elsewhere.”
He turned then, the tears in his eyes had Tilly’s own rolling down her cheeks. “But I’m not going to make it easy for you. I’m not going to stand back and watch the best thing in my life walk out of it. There needs to be an incentive for you to stay, and I won’t beg you to stay, so I will make the stakes harder for you to walk away because I want you to give us a chance. A real chance to find our way back to each other. We were good once. You know we can be again. You felt it too, Til. I know you did. I love you, love you enough that I can get past this...I can forgive you for your affair.”
She didn’t want to hear it, she wanted to cover her ears and close her eyes, didn’t want to witness her husband breaking, seeking a way to hold onto her. She hated that she’d caused it, hated it more that even as he spoke the words, she knew to whom her heart belonged, and it wasn’t her husband.
Silence fell for a few beats, like the calm before the storm, before he spoke the words that crushed her, wounded her from the inside out. “If you decide to leave me, I will fight for full custody.”
The sob rushed up her throat, her world spinning. There was no cruelty in his words, she could have held onto that. There was compassion, even sympathy. He said he wouldn’t beg, but there was a plea in his voice, an urging for her to hear him.
“I’ll win, Tilly.”
He wasn’t gloating, he wasn’t going in for the kill. It wasn’t even a warning. It was simply said and sadly spoken.
“You need to think about what you want, Til, but if you stay, I will be different. I will be the man you once loved. Give us a chance to find each other again. We have so much history, and yeah, there’s been pain and regret, but there’s love too...so much fucking love. I know you feel it, even if you don’t want to admit it. It’s your choice because what I want is right in front of me.”
He dropped that on her and walked out, the door closing quietly behind him. It was her choice. What kind of choice was that? Either way, she lost. She either started a life with the man she loved, that kind of soul bearing love they wrote love songs and poems about, but she’d lose her kids. Or she kept her kids, the loves of her life, gave up the man her heart ached for, and stayed with a man who had once owned her heart, but had neglected it and could so easily again. Her tears fell harder, her head bowed in pain. Either way, from that moment on she’d only have half a heart. She’d known there would be penitence to pay, she’d been prepared to pay it, but she never imagined it would be so severe.
_______________
Gage held the hospital phone to his ear, staring at the pale blue wall. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He didn’t want to use his cell in case her husband took it. He couldn’t leave his room as nurses crowded the station as they went through a shift change. But he’d find a way to reach her… and he did.
“Physically, I’ll heal, but Gage, it’s all such a mess. I knew it would be, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
“I know,” He breathed. “But we also didn’t think this was how it’d come out either. Fuck, I miss you,” Gage said and shifted in bed, his ass growing numb the longer he sat there. “How about when they change shifts, I come get you, we can find a quiet spot?”
“Even with everything going on, I miss you, too. So much it hurts. I’d come find you now, but my nurse is bigger than me.”
Gage chuckled. “There’s my girl,” he whispered, liking that even though all that had gone down, she could still find humor somewhere. “Give me about an hour, and I’ll come to you.”
Her heart leaped at the thought of him coming for her, but hearing those words from him hurt too. She swallowed down the pain, because she wanted to see him more than anything, but she didn’t answer him, her thoughts were somewhere else when she said softly, “I am your girl. I always will be.”
There was a tone to her voice, one that Gage never heard before, he didn’t like it. But somehow, he understood it. With everything going on, he was sure there would be emotions coming from her that he’d never experienced before. Get through all the rubble of the destruction they caused together. “See you soon, baby. Love you.”
Her voice broke, pain sliced through her when she whispered, “I love you.”
_______________
The heavy metal door closed behind them, the sound echoing through the stairwell. Tilly moved to the corner of the landing, setting her back against the wall, eyes to the ground.
“It’s over,” Gage breathed almost in relief that their secret was out, although he didn’t feel as relieved as he thought he would. “No more hiding, Till,” he said with a forced smile.
New Year’s was right around the corner, and he could start the next chapter in his book. Hell. They could write a whole new story together. A story that was held silent for months. Both drowning in one another, finally coming to the surface. Able to breathe for the first time. But was it the breath with her that he really wanted?
“What’s wrong?” Gage asked concerned, moving into her. Her eyes lifted to him then and tears sat at the edge, waiting to spill over, causing Gage to halt his steps a foot away.
A person shouldn’t be forced to choose between what they loved the most, but that was how Tilly felt. Her heart ached, seeing the look in Gage’s eyes, knowing that she felt it too. Having what she wanted so close and not being able to grab onto him broke her.
Her voice was no higher than a whisper, because saying it out loud made it real, and she didn’t want it to be. She held his gaze, those dark eyes she loved so much, ones she knew she wouldn’t see again. Brokenly, she whispered, “I’m not leaving Luke.”
