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I nodded. “I know why you did it. I know what it means to give it all up, make sacrifices, and change everything in your life. I understand why you couldn’t do that.”
Relief flooded her features.
“Just tell me one thing. Why now? What can you possibly gain by being in his life again? This isn’t even what you want.”
“You can’t tell me what I want,” she snapped.
“Actually, I can. You don’t want custody. You don’t want school runs and play dates and PTA meetings. You don’t want fights with friends, tummy bugs, or bullies at school. Why are you here?”
Sabrina pursed her lips together. “I deserve something to show for what I put into this world, you know. You didn’t make him alone.”
“No, not physically, but the rest of who he is…that’s all me.”
“I’m his mother.”
“You abandoned him.”
“And now I’m trying to do the right thing.”
I studied her face, trying to figure out what she was all about. After all these years, she had a spark of guilt, a feeling that maybe she should have done something more, something better. She had something redeeming about her––she wasn’t a complete bitch. Close, but not complete.
“I can’t let you ruin his life because you feel guilty about leaving him here.”
Sabrina looked like she wanted to cry; this time, her tears were real. She wasn’t faking it anymore. Whatever she was doing here was driven by an emotion she truly felt.
“I know I was wrong,” she said so softly I could barely hear her.
“I forgive you,” I said.
She blinked at me. “Really?”
I nodded. “And Ben doesn’t have any hard feelings, too. He doesn’t hate you.”
“Oh,” she said, and tears rolled over her cheeks.
“But let’s be fair, Sabrina, you don’t want this. You’re trying to ease your guilty conscience. It’s not fair to do this to Ben if you’re going to run again at the first sign of trouble. We both know that’s what you do.”
“You’re making me sound like such a terrible person.”
“I’m being realistic and I’m thinking of Ben. He’ll be devastated if you come into his life now just to leave again.” I took a deep breath. “Just let it go. You don’t want this, and neither do I. Why don’t you go back to your life? We’ll part on a good note, and you can rest easy knowing that we’re okay. Ben’s okay, I’m on top of this, and neither of us resents you for what you did. You can forgive yourself and move on.”
Sabrina covered her face with her hands and cried, her shoulders shaking. I wasn’t sure what to do. I hadn’t thought we would ever get to this point. I hadn’t thought I would ever be able to forgive her for what she’d done to me, for taking my life away from me. Only now, when I’d had a chance to change it all, I realized this life with Ben was exactly what I wanted. I wasn’t angry with Sabrina anymore.
I’d never felt sorry for her, but right now, I pitied her. How empty her life had to be.
“Thank you,” she finally said, dropping her hands. Her makeup was smudged, more proof that the emotions she’d shown were real. “You’ve given me a gift bigger than anything money can buy.”
“Good luck with your ventures, Sabrina. I wish you all the happiness you deserve. Truly.”
“You too, Aaron.”
She stood and left my office. Finally a free woman––no more guilt to be had, and I didn’t hate her for what she’d done. I was where I wanted to be; Ben was mine and mine alone.
Relief washed over me, and I sagged in my chair. This horrible nightmare was over, and I felt lighter than air, letting go of the anger and resentment I’d held against her all these years.
I had my life and wanted it exactly as it was now.
My mind drifted to Jade. Where was she now? What was she doing? I wanted her in my life so desperately, but I’d hurt her. She’d asked me if our relationship was real and if I was serious about the long haul, and after saying yes, I’d said no. It had been wrong of me.
