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Everything between us is perfect as it is.
Alex doesn’t think I can hear her crying.
When she’s hurting, it kills me. Physical pain is one thing. Mental pain is even worse. Especially because she’s so fucking strong. Independent. Able to handle anything. Just not when she has these fucking cramps. They happen all the time now.
She’s utterly helpless.
Years ago, I knew she suffered a little bit. Back then, she and I were hooking up all over Europe when LTZ was on tour. I didn’t think about it too deeply because, well, I’m a dude. My band was getting famous. I was busy running LTZ’s social media. What did I know about a woman’s cycle? My sisters sure never shared anything about that subject matter with me.
It wasn’t until I moved to the ranch when I realized just how much pain she truly tolerated.
I couldn’t stand it. Still can’t. I’m a fixer, so I wanted to find a solution even though she assured me her pain was normal. Faced with long stretches of time on the bus, I started researching. I came across an article about how orgasms helped stop a woman’s cramps. It became my mission to compile the best-of-the-best techniques to make sure Alex came so hard her cramps would go away.
That’s how it started. When I was in Hong Kong, we played a festival with a band called 22 Goats. Somehow, I got into a conversation about female orgasms with their singer, Dax Morgan and his wife, Violet. They gleefully shared a technique that has been life-changing. For both me and Alex.
Ever since, when we have some time—at least a couple of hours preferably—and privacy, I take matters into my own hands—and well, lips and tongue and fingers—and it works spectacularly. First, I make sure she’s fully relaxed and then I take my sweet time to make her come over and over again until she’s a satisfied noodle. Then, and only then, I fuck her senseless until we both explode and Jesus… It’s goddamn nirvana. For both of us.
There’s something fucking life changing when you orgasm after a long-delayed gratification. Just sayin’.
These days, I’m in a constant state of delayed gratification. It’s difficult to fit quick sex in. We’re lucky if we manage a couple times a week. Let alone a fuckathon. I’ve fallen down on the job, and I feel guilty. Yesterday, Poppy couldn’t even get out of bed. She laid under the covers in a fetal position all day. I felt so helpless.
A double dose of her beloved 222s didn’t make a dent in the pain so I called Alex’s regular doctor to get a prescription for stronger pain meds. I’m hoping it holds her over until her appointment with the specialist.
I rap lightly on the bathroom door. “Hey, can I come in?”
“Can you give me a sec?” She clears her throat. “I’ll be okay. I took the pill. But I’m not happy about it. Prescription drugs are not a long-term solution.”
“I know, but it was an emergency, Poppy. We don’t have to go to the wedding. Seriously.” I know Ty and Zoey will be upset, but Alex’s health is more important.
She bursts through the door; tears stain her cheeks. “I’m not missing my best friend’s wedding. No way.”
“I love you.” I wrap her snugly against my chest and caress her back. “When you’re hurting like this, you have to understand, all I want to do is take it all away. I’d do anything to swap places.”
Her body shakes. Her fingers flex and grip my shoulders. “I hate being such a burden.”
“You arenevera burden.” I cup her cheeks and stroke her lips with my thumb. “We’re in this together. We’re going to figure it out.”
“I’m counting the days until we meet with Dr. Madison in person.” Alex is so incredibly vulnerable at the moment, a characteristic she rarely lets anyone see. I’ll never take it for granted that she trusts me enough to show this side of herself.
I press my finger to her lips then tuck her hair behind her ears. “Shh. One thing at a time. Lena’s down for her nap. All our stuff for the wedding is in the truck. We can take a minute to rest and regroup before we have to catch the ferry.”
Alex allows me to lead her out to the porch where we cuddle on our porch swing. It’s our spot. She tucks her long, pajama-clad legs up to her chest and rests her head on my lap. My palm spans her head so my thumbs can lightly circle her temple. After a few minutes she lets out a huge breath and her entire body relaxes. I sink back into the swing and let out a breath when her breathing evens out.
Gawd, I wish I could take away her pain.
As the time ticks by, my body aches from remaining essentially frozen in position but I’m afraid to move. The last thing I want to do is disturb her. She hasn’t slept well in three days. I want her to rest as long as possible. Soon, we’ll all be at Ty and Zoey’s house for their wedding. I just want her to have a few moments of peace before she does what she always does—push her needs aside to give her all to her bestie.
I hope Zoey appreciates it.
She gets a little over an hour of sleep before I hear Lena babbling at Mitch through the baby monitor and have no choice but to move. “Alex, Lena’s up. If we’re going to make the wedding, we need to get going,” I lean down and whisper into her ear.
“Mmm.” She nods without opening her eyes. I gently move her into a sitting position. Yawning, Alex raises her arms high above her head and stretches, shaking her wrists to wake herself up. “Huh. I feel okay. I actually feel normal.”
We both go to Lena’s room. I change her diaper while Alex steams her flower girl dress. After I throw her stinky poo-filled diaper in the genie, I ask, “When do we start potty training again?”
“Soon. Probably a month or so after the new year. Her pediatrician told me if we start too early it will take longer for her to learn.” Alex pinches her nose with her fingers. “That’s a bad one. What did you feed her?”
“Uh, bananas. Ground chicken. Cheese.” Talking about baby poop. That’s what we’re reduced to now. It’s crazy how much our life has changed. Aside from Alex’s cramp situation, I wouldn’t trade my new life one bit.
