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“I must admit, I’m feeling the same way you do. Everyone is pushing therapy on us, and I’m sure they do that because it’s part of their protocol, but I’m honestly just grateful you’re here.
I shift a bit in the bed and swing my legs over the edge. “Can we take a walk in the sunshine?”
“That sounds great.” He helps me out of bed. “I’m getting you some pasta or something fattening, Poppy. You’ve lost so much weight.”
When I’m upright, I get my bearings and I toe my slippers on. Jace unties my gown and I put a big, loose T-shirt on. “I know. I’m skeletal. My tits have essentially disappeared.”
“Your tits are perfect. I love your tits at whatever size they happen to be at.” He smirks.
“Yeah, well, you saying the word ‘tits’ is mean. I wish we could have sex.” I loop my arms around his neck. “I miss feeling you inside me.”
He strokes my bony back. “I’d push those thoughts away for a bit, unfortunately.”
Hand in hand, we walk through the tiny outside garden. Summer’s not quite over, but the smell of fall is beginning to tinge the air. Exhausted, I lead him over to a bench that overlooks Puget Sound. It’s so frustrating when I get winded after walking maybe a thousand steps. “Let’s sit for a bit.”
“Tired?” Jace pulls me back against him. He softly massages the base of my neck.
I can’t help but moan. Jace gives me such a sense of peace. My hospital room is chaotic, with nurses coming in and out. Plus, I’m an active girl. Lying around in bed makes me feel atrophied and sore. “Not really. Just getting my stamina back. It feels so amazing to breathe fresh air.”
We stay that way for a while. There’s something on my mind, and I’m not sure how to bring it up. All I know is, for me, nearly dying has made me realize that life is too short for indulging in insecurities. If I want something, I’m going to ask for it. If I feel something, I’m going to say it.
“You’re deep in thought.” Jace finishes my shoulder massage and wraps his arms loosely around my shoulders. Enough to make me feel cuddled without disrupting my torso.
I lean my head into his shoulder and look up at him. “I need to tell you something.”
“Uhhh?” His face scrunches up because of the most hated six words to ever be strung together.
“No, nothing like that. It’s just before all of this…I avoided all things about planning our wedding. After everything that’s happened, I wanted to talk to you about it.”
He regards me skeptically. “Yeah. Okay. I didn’t want to push you. I figured you had your reasons.”
“Probably stupid ones, but I feel like it’s important to tell you.” I’m nervous, but I know that if Jace and I are going to be together, he has to know all of me. Not just the parts I’ve shown him up until know. Curated parts.
Jace presses his lips together like he’s bracing himself.
“My dad cheated on my mom. He had a job where he traveled for work. I was eight, or maybe nine.” Every time I think about it, there’s a twinge in my heart. “Before it happened, I thought my parents had the perfect marriage. I don’t remember them ever being apart. After, it took my mom a long time to get herself back to the woman you know now. It was rough. I was her only confidant. She hated my dad for what he did. I did too, truth be told.”
He tightens his arms just slightly. “I’ll never, ever cheat on you, Poppy. You’re it for me.”
“I know you won’t.” I reach up and stroke the stubble on his chin. “This isn’t about you. It’s about something that has kept me from allowing myself to be fully there. Aside from this—er, setback, in my mind our life is perfect. You’re perfect forme. I was afraid of disrupting our flow.”
Jace kisses my temple. “For me getting married to you is making sure our flow never stops.”
“It seems stupid to me now, but I’ve kept waiting for you to decide that island life isn’t for you. I truly thought someday you’d say to me, ‘Alex, let’s buy a house close to Ty and Zane.’ Or, LTZ would start touring at the pace you were on before. I mean, even when you mentioned the idea of our own tour bus, I convinced myself that you’d be pissed. Maybe even ditch me if I wouldn’t travel with you.”
“You realize that all of your inner dialogue was bullshit, right?” He shakes his head. “My life is withyou. When are you getting it through your beautiful, thick skull that I can’t think of a better place to raise Lena than on our ranch? And LTZ is through, so…”
I put my finger to his lips. “Don’t count on that. You four have something special. And when you work it all out and go back on tour, Lena and I will be with you. My life is with you.Ourlives are with you.”
“I’ve never been so scared as when you were in that operating room, Poppy. All I could think about is how selfish I’d been. I’m sorry if I did anything to make you think…uh, believe you needed to give me a baby for us to stay together. It was never how I felt.” Jace’s face crumples in anguish. “I’d never want you to think my love was conditional.”
“Oh, baby. No.” I lean up and press my lips to his. It’s the first time we’ve kissed like this in so long. We’re ravenous for each other, but Jace holds himself back.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He gasps. “I want to fuck you so bad.Now. Just to show you how I’ll never, ever leave your side. You’re everything, Alexandria LeRoux. Everything I’ll ever want or need. Forever.”
“Alexandria Deveraux,” I say between kisses. “As soon as humanly possible.”
“Really?” He cups my face in his big palm.
