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Currently, Alex is talking animatedly with my favorite women, all of whom are gathered around the kitchen island. It’s the annual Deveraux end-of-summer BBQ at my family’s house in Medina. Unfortunately, it’s Seattle, so the weather isn’t cooperating. When the rain started, we had to move things inside.
The women are an eclectic bunch. Ariana, Alex’s older sister, is all conservative clothes and sensible shoes. She has a demanding job in London, so she’s rarely in town. Jennifer, or “Jen,” is the youngest of my sisters. We’re the closest of my siblings. After all, she’s just two years older than me. Becca is her girlfriend; they live at our ranch in the guest house. Jaylynn, my oldest sister, is married to Roberto. They both work for a software company and travel a lot for work. Jordan is in the middle. She’s making an international name for herself as a tattoo artist. Most of my ink is her art.
Lucky for me, I have the family discount.
My pops and namesake, Jason, is a former tech executive at the world’s most famous software company. I’m acutely aware I grew up with privilege. My childhood was spent on this ten-thousand-foot lakefront property in Seattle. None of my family are entitled, though. At least I don’t think we are.
Pops always says he was in the right place at the right time. That might be true. But he’s also a genius. He worked long hours when I was a kid and was able to retire as a fairly young man. Now he’s the figurehead at one of Seattle’s biggest investment groups. He works a grueling one day per month evaluating companies he wants to sink some of his vast fortune into. The rest of his time is spent serving on charitable boards. Or traveling with my mom.
Speaking of which, my mom, Grace, appears with Lena and hands her to me. “Someone wants her daddy.” My daughter buries her face in my neck under my long hair. Shoves her thumb in her mouth and relaxes. I cup her tiny head with my palm and stroke her silky, golden-blonde locks. She may not be ours biologically, but somehow Lena looks exactly like a child Alex and I would make for real.
Wouldn’t that be cool?
I push the thought out of my mind. I was surprised enough when Alex wanted to adopt Lena. She’s a great mother. A natural. But I know the score. Animals are her jam. If Lena is our only child? I’m okay with it.
You can’t improve upon perfection, after all.
“Did she like the playroom you set up?” I focus on the present. Like the fact my mom gutted a spare room in the house to create a kiddie wonderland for her first grandchild. Complete with an indoor gym and a mural of colorful jungle animals. Not to mention toys and games and a little snack area.
“I’m absolutely sure she’s going to grow up to be a gymnast.” Mom surveys the kitchen and waves at the group of women who are now beckoning her to join them.
I shoo her over. “Go. I’ve got her, Mom.”
“My only son. How sweet you are with your daughter.” Mom runs her palm down my cheek. “You make me proud.”
I feel Lena go slack in my arms. She’s already sound asleep. “My only mom.” I lean into her hand. “Iliveto make you proud.”
“Then stop acting like an idiot, and marry Alex,” she stage whispers. Then sticks her tongue out at me and joins the women.
I fucking wish.
I’ve been dying to put a ring on Alex’s finger. This year would be perfect timing. My band, Less Than Zero, is on hiatus. Two of my bandmates, Connor and Zane, are newly married and knee-deep in family stuff. Ty’s engaged to Zoey. They’re due home any day from wherever the fuck they’re currently traveling.
My Alex isn’t like the other women, though. She never mentions marriage. Never hints about getting engaged. I’ll admit, I wish she were pushy. Especially now that we’re parents. I need the commitment. I want what my parents have. Which is ironic considering I’m heading into my mid-thirties.
The piercing squeals of the women cause Lena to stir in my arms. Rather than risk her waking, I take her through the house outside to the expansive, covered back porch overlooking meticulously groomed gardens leading down to Lake Washington. It’s quiet out here. The view of the water is unobstructed.
When I still lived at home, this was always where I’d chill.
Careful not to disturb my little girl, I sit on a plush lounger and lie back. Lena wiggles a bit but thankfully doesn’t wake up. I gaze out at the curtain of rain falling on the deep-blue lake and feel at peace. My eyes are heavy. I’m dozing off when I hear footsteps approach.
I squeeze one eye open to see my pops plop down on the chair next to me and recline. He gestures with his thumb to inside the house. “There’s a ton of estrogen in there. I figured I’d find you here.”
“Well, where else would I be? This is our spot when it gets too squealy.”
My dad shuts his eyes and smiles contentedly. “True that.”
“Pops, it’s been great having some time off. I miss spending time with you when I’m on the road so much.”
“Me too, little dude. Me too. I’m glad you have some downtime. Not that adopting a toddler is downtime, of course. It’s just sometimes it’s necessary to take a break from work so your mind can catch up to your body. Figure out what’s most important.”
“Yeah. For sure. I needed it after all the band drama and my own shit to get settled with Alex and Lena.” I swallow a lump that forms in my throat. “If I can be half as good a dad to Lena as you’ve been to all of us, I’ll feel stellar about life.”
His eyes spring open. “Uh, that’s a really wonderful thing for you to say. I worked so much when you were little, I was hardly around. Your mom’s the one who deserves all the credit.”
“Yeah, Mom and my sisters are awesome. You’re my rock though.” It’s the truth. Without his intervention, I’d still be tied up in some crazy paternity scandal. He’s always on my side. He never appears stressed. He’s just so…capable. I hope I’m growing into some version of him as I get older. I’m not there quite yet.
Dad reaches over and squeezes my wrist. “We’re a lot alike. Same laid-back temperament. Same fierceness when backed into a corner. Same determination and drive.”
