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As for my manny? He was sitting by the pool vaping, without a care in the world. Or a baby monitor. Security. NDA. See-ya.
The third candidate is supposed to start after the holidays. I’m not holding out much hope. It sucks being stressed about childcare in any city, but Hollywood has its own set of worries.
“Mae?” Connor calls from the living room.
“In here.”
Seconds later, he joins me in my closet-slash-dressing room. I’m getting dressed for Christmas Eve at Ty & Zoey’s West Hollywood house. His giant frame always seems out of place next to my girly stuff. His smile is relaxed when he passes the racks of clothes and towers of shoes toward me. Which is a relief. He’s been a little off since we got back from wedding festivities. We haven’t had sex again. I’ve been scared to ask why.
I smooth my black sweater dress around my hips, which are still too full for my liking, and glance in the mirror. Swivel.No carbsfor theindefinite future. It’s fine. Nothing I can do about it today. “I’m ready.”
He’s behind me and wraps his arms around my middle. Rests his chin on my head. He’s so much taller, I love how petite he makes me feel. “You look a vision, so you do.” He catches my eyes in the mirror. That’s when I realize I’m not imagining things, there’s something sad behind his lashes.
“Are you okay? I know I’ve been busy on all these projects. Having you home to take care of the boys has been life changing for me.” I fold my arms over his and tilt my head up so I can look at his real face, not the one through the glass. “And that’s just one reason I love you.”
He leans down to kiss me. “I love you too. I’d do anything for you, Mae.”
I twist in his arms. Reach up and pull his head toward mine. Thread my fingers through his curls. “I’d do anything for you too, babe.”
“Can I ask you a question? It’s been bothering me since the wedding, but I have no idea how to talk to you about it.” He strokes his palms along my sides. “I promise I won’t be upset, but I just have to know.”
I’m totally confounded. I squint at him. “Uh, you can talk to me about anything.”
“I’m not positive about that, but I’ll say it anyway. Why didja go back on birth control without talking to me?” He sighs like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders.
I guess it’s been placed on mine.
I cast my eyes down to the floor. Shit. He’s right. Ididmake the decision on my own. My body, my choice and all that. It never even occurred to me to talk to my husband.Gah.Back in Seattle, I’d called Alex to get the name of her doctor. Booked the appointment. When Connor was at Zane’s practicing the wedding song they performed at the wedding, I asked his mom to watch the boys. Drove over. Had the device put in.
Didn’t even mention it to him.
I glance back up. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Just tell me the truth.”
“Okay. Well, the truth is, I don’t know how to feel about this conversation. It’s my body. I want to enjoy sex with my husband. I donotwant to get pregnant any time soon. Maybe never again. Was I supposed to consult you? Get permission?” My voice is defiant. Defensive. Probably because I should be apologizing, not doubling down.
Tears well up against my will. “I was afraid you’d try to talk me out of it.No, I was afraid I’d let you.”
His eyes cloud. “Oh-kay.”
“Connor?” I move out of his embrace.
“What do you want me to say, love?” He sags into my makeup chair. “When I decided to extend my stay in Seattle for the band meeting, I felt bad for arranging it without discussing it with you. I should have done better. I’d already been away looking after Da. I left you in the lurch with the boys. Made a unilateral decision. But, I apologized. It was thoughtless but not deliberate. I need to know. Did you make this decision to get back at me? Bloody hell. An IUD Ronni?
Passiveaggressivemuch?
I cross my arms. “Having twins has been alot.”
“Aye.” He looks at me, waiting.
“I have so much on my plate. Responsibilities for my projects.” I toe the floor with my boot.
“Aye.” His expression remains unchanged.
“I don’t want more kids.” My voice gets caught on the wordkids. Tears threaten to spill, but we’re supposed to be at Ty and Zoey’s house for Christmas Eve in an hour. I won’t have time to do my makeup again. I choke them back.
He stands and envelops me in his arms. Cups my head and presses it against his chest. “Was it so hard to say that to me? Aside from the confidential Kircher shite you kept from me, I thought you always told me everything, Mae. We’re supposed to be each other’s safe places.”
