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I’ve earned it.
Sun streamsthrough the filmy blinds when I wake up.
My mouth is incredibly dry. I reach for my bottle of pineapple Hint water on the nightstand. Drink what’s left and set the empty down. A couple of yawns later, I pat the bed next to me.
Empty.
It’s a devastating pattern. Missing time with my husband. My family. Then again, my work schedule is mostly to blame. The past couple of weeks, I’ve crawled into bed hours after Connor and he’s up long before me to take care of the boys.
I pad across the plush carpet to the bathroom. Pee. Pull on joggers and my favorite old LTZ sweatshirt and head down the hallway. I hear little giggles and Connor’s deep voice coming from the nursery. I lean against the doorway and watch for a minute. My husband is beaming at Torin and Tristan, who are standing on their own. Assisted by the denim sofa they both cling to in order to keep themselves upright.
“Wow, they’re both standing.” I cross the room to sit next to Connor, who’s freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. My boys squeal when they see me and fling themselves into my arms. I smother them with snuggles and kisses.
He pulls me and the boys to him. “Morning, love. I let you sleep in; it seemed like you needed it.”
Tristan plops himself in my lap. Mama’s boy through and through. I smooth his reddish-brown wisps around his ears. “They’re at such a critical age. I feel like I miss something every day.”
“It’s temporary. I’m happy to step up,” he reassures me. I know he’s trying to be supportive, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
Connor plucks Torin up and sets him next to his brother. Then stands and strides to the door. “Why don’t you spend some quality time with them this morning? I’ll go check to see if Yolanda has their breakfast ready.”
“Stay.” It comes out shriller than I’d intended.
He stops and turns. “Okay.” He closes the door behind him, pads back over and crouches so he’s at my level. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I just miss my family. And my life’s about to get busier.” I kiss the tops of my boys’ heads.
Connor drops to the ground opposite me and encloses us all with his long legs. “You’ve worked ridiculously hard to get here. Once you see these projects through, they’ll be plenty of time to reassess. All of this was in motion before you got pregnant.”
“Yeah, I know. I appreciate you being so supportive, babe.” I attempt to keep the boys in my lap, but they don’t ever sit still for long, so I let them squirm away. We watch as they crawl like little bandits toward the pile of stuffed toys in the corner.
Connor cups my face and draws it toward his. Kisses my lips softly. Slips me a little tongue. Scoots closer. He grabs my ass and pulls me flush against him. Dips down for another kiss when the door flies open.
“Oh, jeez. Crap. I’m sorry.” Yolanda’s big, brown eyes gape at us in horror. “You’re…uh. Um. I’ll come back.”
I lean back on my palms. Connor crosses his arms over his knees. We weren’t doing anything but kissing, so her reaction is a little dramatic, but I certainly don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. “Yolanda, wait. I’ll help you feed them breakfast.”
“Oh, okay.” She peers warily into the room. Her long, black hair is in a braid that reaches her butt. She wears cut-offs and a black t-shirt. Nothing revealing, but she’s most definitely a pretty girl.
Connor stands and pulls me to my feet. He shoos our nanny away with a smile. “You’re grand, love. We’ll grab the boys and see you in the dining room.”
She blushes at the endearment and skedaddles.
My face is red for a distinctive reason, but I don’t say a word. Not yet.
Minutes later, side by side, Connor and I feed the twins mashed eggs, sweet potato, and applesauce. I decide to leave Yolanda with the task of cleaning them up and changing their diapers. It’s nice to participate in my family’s morning routine. The ritual makes me feel somewhat normal.
“Yolanda seems to be working out.” I give Connor a side look to check his reaction. “I mean, she’s great with the babies.”
“She’s fine, but she’s not you.” Connor slings his arm around my shoulder. Kisses the side of my head.
“You called her ‘love.’” I pull back and stick my tongue out at him.
My phone starts buzzing on the counter before he can answer. I dash over and see it’s Kris. I hold the phone up to show Connor, who nods and tosses his head toward the patio and mouths, “Go.” Outside on the patio, I nestle into a lounger pod overlooking the ocean and take the call.
“Is there any way you can swing by my office so we can review the audition tapes for the Sam role? Martin dropping out puts us in a bind. We need someone well-known for that cameo. I’m drowning, babe. I know you have stuff going on at home, but our backs are against the wall.” It’s just past eight in the morning and Kris sounds like she’s about ready to lose her mind.
I’ve given her ten hours each day. Mostly working from home. She’s not overtly said anything, but Kris is becoming impatient. I don’t blame my partner; our current situation is not how we envisioned working on these projects. Back before I got married. Then pregnant.
