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Steel sang as Enysien rushed forward. My younger self bellowed, loosing my erratic power. It exploded with an avalanche of mist and brutal pain. Enysien hit the ground, and Tessa gasped. A second thump soon followed, and my younger self’s screams echoed through Dubnos when he—I—turned to see my sister’s broken body on the ground.
“No!” The younger me moaned as he fell to his knees. He pulled my sister’s lifeless body onto his lap and howled at the stars, tears streaming down his face. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to. I was trying to save you!”
* * *
Tessa shouted into the wind as we hurtled toward the ground, crashing heavily onto the battlements that wound around the edge of Dubnos. Matho held another version of my younger self over the edge, his face red, his neck bulging. Younger Kalen just hung there limply as my father shouted into his face.
“You killed him, you bastard,” he hissed at younger me, his spittle spraying. “I won’t let you get your hands on that fucking throne!”
I knelt on the stone and stared, numbness creeping over me. I couldn’t take any more of this. But any time I tried to reach out to my magic, it whispered away from me like leaves on the wind.
Tessa’s hand gripped my shoulder. “Kalen, what’s happening? Why are we spinning through your memories like this?”
I just shook my head. My voice had left me.
“Let him go,” my mother’s calm, clear voice rang out in the silence.
Father scowled, but he pulled younger me back over the ledge and dropped him onto the stone. “He fucking killed him. I will have his head.”
Mother walked right up to her husband and slit his throat.
* * *
Another flash. Another memory. I couldn’t even bear to open my eyes, knowing exactly what this one would show. It was the last remaining piece of my twisted past. The truth I’d fought so hard to ignore all these years.
We were in the Great Hall, my mother and me, sitting at our table alone. There were three empty seats that surrounded us. As if I was reliving it all over again, an unsettling loneliness, combined with a deep-seated grief, pushed down on my shoulders.
“I’ve received some unsettling news about the other kingdoms,” Mother said, her fork scraping her plate. “They’ve heard of our…troubles. I believe Oberon intends to cease trade with us.”
I lifted my head to watch my younger self frown. “We can’t lose their trade. Why don’t you go meet with King Oberon? You were friends with Bronwen, his mother. I’m sure if you speak to him face to face, he won’t be able to renege on our trade deals. No one can ever say no to you.”
Mother nodded and smiled. “What an excellent idea. I’ll make plans to leave by the end of the week.”
* * *
Mercifully, the memories stopped. One more stab at my fragile casing, and my soul would shatter. The star-filled sky spread before me, and at long last, I collapsed to the ground, crushed by the weight of my past. I glanced up at the ink above, but it did little to comfort me now.
Tessa settled onto the ground beside me. What must she think?
“I’m sorry you had to see all that.” I couldn’t bear to look at her. Any hope we’d had at reconciliation was gone, all because I’d lost control of the dream. She’d seeneverything. “You must hate me even more than you already did.”
Tessa edged a little closer and dropped her head onto my shoulder, her hair whispering against my cheek. I stiffened beneath her touch, but I didn’t dare move away. “No, Kalen. I can’t hate you for that.”
“But you saw me kill your father. You saw me kill my sister, my half-brother. That’s who that was, Tessa. My family.” My voice broke, but I continued on, the words spilling out of me now, like a poisonous gemstone had cracked open inside of me, washing acid through my veins. “I was the reason my father died, even if he was a bastard who loved the gods. And I told my mother to meet with Oberon. He eventually killed her, which means I’m responsible for the death of my entire family. Everyone except for one. My other half-brother, who lives in Star Isles. He refuses to speak to me, even after all these years, and I do not blame him.”
The weight of Tessa’s head was a soothing comfort, and when it vanished, a part of me felt adrift. She shifted sideways, took my face in her in palms, and captured my gaze with earnest eyes. “It’s not your fault.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she shook her head.
“Listen to me,” she said gently, still cupping my face. “I understand how you’re feeling. I’ve felt the same way too. Look at what I’ve done. Not just to you, but to everyone else. I know what it is to want to rewind the past and choose a different path. One that can save everyone, even if it means losing myself along the way.”
I captured her hand and pulled her closer, wanting to feel the warmth of her body against mine. “You understand.”
“More than you’ll ever know,” she whispered. “More than most ever could. I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Kalen. If I could take it back, I would.”
And I knew at once that she meant every word. Her own pain and guilt reflected right back onto me, and I wanted to erase it all. I wished she did not have to hurt the way I did. Fuck the fact she’d stabbed me. It didn’t matter, not when Oberon had been pulling her strings and poisoning her mind. Not when I understood exactly why she did it. I would have done it too.
“I’m the one who is sorry. You shouldn’t have had to witness what happened to your father, and I never would have shown it to you like that.” I furrowed my brow. “I don’t understand it. It was like I lost complete control over my powers. That’s never happened before. Except…”
