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Blank leaf, Yves’s expression did not give away a shade of his sorrow, while Éva and Céline embraced like their despair was an adhesive keeping them stuck together. Black attire was worn to mourn the untimely passing of Benjamin De la Croix, yet I did not shed a single tear.
I was too numb.
Once Darla was discharged from the hospital, my family gathered in my office. I relayed the entire chain of events from start to finish, and they listened with horrified faces. By some miracle, they actually believed me—believed that Benjamin was Pierrot.
To say his betrayal came as a shock was an understatement.
While killing Benjamin was the hard thing to do, Céline, Éva, and Yves agreed that it was the only solution. Not only was he out of control, but Benjamin had betrayed the family.
No matter who you were, the punishment for that sin was always death.
“He shot Darla and he was going to burn you alive,” Céline had reasoned. “It was self-defence. You are not at fault.”
“Mamanis right, Zeno.” Éva had agreed, despite crying for our dead brother. “What Benjamin did was wrong.”
And then there was Yves. “Those who disgrace our pillars and break their oath must be taught a lesson. Benjamin knew the consequences. As the seigneur, you did the right thing.”
I knew I did the right thing. However, as I stepped out of the crypt and inhaled the muggy air, there was a noose tightening my collar. Ben deserved it, but my guilt would assail me in slow increments as the days, months, years went by, festering inside of me like a pus-filled wound.
A swift sadness blanketed me. I replayed Benjamin’s last words, finally deciphering their meaning.
“You…betrayedme…first, Zeno.”
Before Benjamin was catapulted into our world of bloodshed, he was a gentle-souled boy. When I closed my eyes, I suddenly sawhim.
Nine-year-old Benjamin with unabashed excitement in his eyes the first time we met. He’d shyly asked me if I liked videogames.“Nobody ever has the time to play withme. I’m all alone.”
I saw twelve-year-old Benjamin standing in his bathroom, trying to shave his jaw and mimic me because I was his hero.“I wantto be like you when I grow up, Zed.”
I saw thirteen-year-old Benjamin getting yelled at by Yves because he snuck out at night to go save a kitten he spotted in an alleyway after school. I remembered Yves forcing him to spend the entire night alone in the basement cell as punishment and how Benjamin called out to me in fear.“Please! Help me, Zeno! Please,I’m scared!”
My little brother had already fainted in his cell with a puddle of vomit when I got around to saving him.
I recalled every single moment growing up where Ben was punished or cast aside like a toy—like an afterthought—because he was deemed foolish, weak, or simply not enough.
All of this turned him bitter and vengeful.
In some ways, Benjamin felt like I failed to be the older brother he deserved. Like I betrayed him by not standing up for him, by being with the girl he loved, and by taking away his birthright.
Now I was the man who killed his younger lunatic brother. The one who saw me as his hero. The one who wanted to be like me until our world tussled him into a pit of difficulties and judgements from which he could not climb out.
How did you live with yourself after that?
Yves followed behind me, his footfalls muted against the wet grass. “Zeno?”
I didn’t turn around.
Instead, I glanced heavenwards to Violette and whispered a singular apology. No matter her issues, she did not deserve to be pushed off a rooftop by Benjamin just because she loved me and was carrying my child.
Then I glanced hellwards and gave Antoine Toussaint the same. He was many things, but he was not a traitor to the De la Croixes. Compared to Benjamin, he displayed more loyalty and I murdered him under false evidence.
“Zed?” Yves called out to me again, coming next to me.
I closed my eyes. “I’m so sorry,papa.”
I’m sorryfor killing Benjamin. If there had been any other way,I would have taken it.
“I know,” he replied grimly, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Do not feel any more guilt, Zeno. You protected this family and did the right thing. Benjamin had to be punished for his actions. There was no other way.”
