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Dad reaches over, grabbing my hands in his,, before speaking softly. “I’ll always worry, you’re my daughter. Not to mention our only child. And that heart of yours is still healing.”
It’s still fucking broken, I think.“I can do hard things,” I remind them. It’s the same mantra I’ve been repeating to myself since my wedding day.
“No one’s saying you can’t. We’re just saying you should be kind to yourself and respect what the world can bring to your door. The worst thing you can do is think a storm isn’t going to be bad, it be bad and you not be prepared. It’s the same with your heart. It’s okay to let it heal, Holly. Holding yourself so rigid won’t do anything for anyone,” Mom advises, putting her hand on top of Dad’s.
While I appreciate what both of them are saying. I just don’t think it’s going to be that easy to forget what happened to me.
And I'm starting to wonder if it truly was losing the man I thought I was going to marry, or if it's more about the embarrassment. Truthfully the further I get away from the man I thought he was, I'm starting to understand maybe I was blinded. Completely blinded by what I wanted him to be, and unwilling to see him for what he actually was. "I hear what you're saying; trust me, I do. I will be fine. The only one who can stop me is myself, and I refuse to let this break me. I'll need a little bit to figure out what I'm going to do from here on out, but I'm going to be fine."
“Yeah, if you keep repeating that, you might just believe it,” Mom tsks.
"I will because it's true. I'm leaving; I'll see you all in a couple of days. I promise I'll be home for Christmas."
They let me go in flurry of hugs and well wishes.
* * *
Drivingto the cabin is more relaxing than I thought it would be. I had a preconceived idea that I would spend the forty-five minutes trying to figure out what I'd done wrong in my life. Instead, the further I get away from Blizzard Bluff, the lighter I feel. Like even though I came all the way here from Boston, it didn't lift my mood much. However, driving along the mountain road, further up in elevation the tension in my neck and back disappear.
A smile spreads across my face; I'm free of all the things that have been holding me back. When I'd left from Boston I'd been broken, and had even felt the same way when I'd left my parents' house this morning.
Right now, pieces of my soul are putting themselves back together like a puzzle.
The GPS alerts to a turn on to Candy Cane Lane and then my destination should be on the left. "Wow!" The cabin is beautiful. I'd had something rustic imagined, but what's in front of me could be on a TV show. It's not big, but what it lacks in size, it more than makes up for in the roof-to-ceiling windows. I bet it looks like a snow globe when it's falling up here.
Quickly I park my SUV and grab my suitcase. My fingers fumble with the key, and when I go in, I’m again left in awe. The inside is modern and cozy at the same time. Walking through, I find a bedroom, bathroom, living room and kitchen, along with what appears to be an office. It’s just enough for one person or a small family.
I know someone will be here to do a couple of quick fixes, so I decide to go ahead and unpack my stuff. Opening the suitcase is like going into another world. It’s most of the clothes I would’ve taken on my honeymoon, including the lingerie.
I’m unsure if I want to wear it for myself or throw it into the fire.
As I’m contemplating which wold be better, there’s a knock at the door.
CHAPTERSEVEN
LUCAS
Pulling up to the cabin,I take a moment to glance at the low-hanging, grey clouds. With any luck, I’ll be able to get inside, make sure the pipes are taken care of, and assess any other damage that may have happened in the last storm.
Because if those clouds are any indication, there's another one coming and it's going to be something else. I can't remember the last time I saw the sky moving this fast, or it looked this menacing in the wintertime. If I didn't know any better I'd think a summertime thunderstorm was fixing to bear down on us.
Lord knows I don’t want to come out here on Christmas. After I spend the day pretending nothing is wrong at my mom’s, I’ll indulge in all the liquor I can handle for the rest of the night. As I walk around the back, heading into the carport, there’s an SUV parked with out-of-state license plates. Who could this be?
Then a conversation replays in my head.
Maggie and her friend who’ll be staying here for the next little bit. This must be the woman she was talking about.
Walking up the back door, I knock loudly. "Hello. This is Lucas Fortner. Maggie asked me to come take a look at the cabin, and make sure it's ready for the weather. You can call her if it makes you feel better."
The door swings open and for the first time in many years I’m fucking speechless.
“Lucas?”
My name on her breath is a balm to all the anxiousness I’ve been feeling. Immediately the gnawing in my stomach is gone and I’m at ease. At least I think I am. I’m not quite sure what that emotion even is anymore. “Holly…”
“They didn’t tell me it was going to be you stopping by,” she licks her bottom lip, sucking it in between her teeth.
I remember that tongue and the things it did to me as a young kid learning all the ways two people could pleasure one another. She’d taken me to heaven and back with both of our inexperience. Truthfully no one else has ever come close, and I’ve definitely searched. “They didn’t tell me it was you who was going to be here.”
