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My cries have gone silent, but they’re still there as I grip him tight, pulling him and keeping him here, because I need it. I need him. I need everything he is right now.
He’s all I have, and he’s all I need. It’s tormenting, this kind of reliance. But I’ve never noticed how much so until I left the house today.
And he came after me…
He fucking came after me.
“I’m… s-so… g-glad you’re… h-here…” I quake in his arms, my breaths working overtime just to get the words out.
James strokes my hair with his long fingers, clutching me to his chest. “It’s okay, Jess. I have you. Just breathe, baby. You’re alright.”
My heart thumps to expand in my chest, breaking free from the chains of hurt, bleeding for this man. If there was ever a question as to the pain of love, a moment like this would be the answer.
It’s crippling, my love for him.
We stay like this for many minutes, until my breathing finally evens out a bit, and his grip feels less like he’s trying to hold me together, and more like he’s just holding me. Caring for me and comforting me. Two things James has always been good at.
Prying us apart, he pulls back to look down at me, taking in the sight of my face; I’m sure nothing but wide, red-rimmed eyes, flushed cheeks and wet lips. Hopefully no snot, but who knows. I’ve been crying for what feels like hours.
James reaches down and pushes the seat back, shifting me effortlessly as he climbs into the driver’s side of the vehicle, positioning me half on his lap and closing the door. I peek over at the passenger side, wondering if he could have just gotten in there. But it’s engulfed in snow. I guess I skidded right into that snowbank, and only the left side of my car is accessible.
He gazes up at me, forehead lined with distress, dark coal eyes glistening as he slides his thumb beneath my puffy eye, then down my cheek to my lips. “You… left.”
Guilt simmers in my gut as I stare at him, worrying my lip with my teeth. He tugs it free with his thumb. “I’m sorry…”
“I don’t want you to apologize, Jesse,” he rumbles. “Your feelings are valid. I… I didn’t handle that well back there. This is all just so confusing for me. It’s so… new.” He pauses and blinks. “For me. Maybe you’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I haven’t. You hit me like a Mack truck, baby, and I just didn’t know how to react.” He stops again and breathes out slowly. “But I handled it poorly. I shouldn’t have made you feel like… loving me is wrong.”
“I’m sorry…” I mutter again, unable to help myself, grieving in my guilt. “I know this is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” he protests, but I don’t let him.
“Yes, it is!” I gasp, fingers combing into my hair as I yank it hard. “Because all this time, you’ve been raising me like I’m your son, while I’ve been lusting after you like a crush. Don’t you think I’ve wanted to stop? To just make it all go away…? Of course, I have! But I can’t. I can’t stop wanting you… Loving you. Every part. And I’m fucking sorry… I fucked everything up.”
The last word of my confession barely has time to float from my lips before he’s pulling me by my jaw.
His mouth crashes into mine and the grunt that bursts from my throat evaporates into a whimper as he kisses me desperately, panting into my mouth. He sucks at my lips fervently, holding me still by the nape of my neck, touching my tongue with his as his fingers slink into my hair.
“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he says again on bated breaths while we kiss each other dizzy. My heart is spilling out of my chest, eager to unburden itself on his. “I never want you to regret this… What we’ve done. What we’re doing… It’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life.”
Trembling whines crash from my mouth into his while I writhe into him, the warmth of his large body and his infinitely cherishing words breathing life back into me. My mind is overcome with emotions, shivering me where I sit on top of him.
“I shouldn’t have left,” I tell him as he opens my coat to run his strong hands over my chest. “I just… I couldn’t…”
He uses his left hand to recline the seat all the way back. “Shh… It’s okay, baby. You’re here. I found you, and I won’t let you go again. I don’t want you to… go.”
“I won’t,” I breathe, our lips brushing. “I promise.”
“Good.” His fingers slip beneath my shirt to trace the curves in my chest and abs. “Because I want this, too. It’s confusing and scary, but I can’t stop wanting you either. Jess, you’re the only thing in my life that’s never really made sense… In a good way. It’s like you’re the most unexpected gift I could ever receive. You give me life, baby... You always have.”
I’m fucking flying. I don’t even know what to say to that, but I know what I want to do. I want to cling to this man forever.
I never want to leave him again.
Opening up his coat, I touch him the way he’s touching me, feeling his strength and his size beneath my fingers, making me weak. His hands grip my jaw as he kisses me wild yet thorough, our lips dancing, surviving on one another and the heat we make together.
Shaky fingers rip at clothes, mine going first to the waist of his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping frantically. He shifts his hips, lifting me on top of him so I can reach inside and grab his cock. It’s stiff as fuck already, crammed between us. Making a fist around it, I pull it out, jerking him slow and steady while he moves to do the same to me.
This car is pretty small. Two dudes cramped in one seat is already challenging, and my neck is craned, head bumping the ceiling. But I don’t even care. We’re wearing each other like a second skin right now, grinding together, breaths echoing inside the car, windows fogging up at an alarming rate.
