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“What were you saying about Harbor and Lucas?”
Seeing this usually graceful and calm woman falling apart, I realize we may not be so far apart in our pain. With a shared interest in her son’s well-being, I sit in a chair next to her. “Why did Harbor leave me?”
“He’s doing what he believes is best for you.”
I bristle from the words she dared to utter and then stand, needing space to help unfold my racing thoughts. “Why the elaborate plan? Why did he even show up today if he knew he’d be gone?” I pace the floor, asking everything that comes to mind. “Why not break up with me? Be honest, please. Tell me the truth. Do I mean so little to him that I don’t even deserve a goodbye?”
“He loves you—”
“This doesn’t feel like love. It feels like torture.” The tears begin to well in the corners of my eyes, so I stop to dab them with the tissue.
“I’m sorry, Lark. He loves you more than you’ll ever know.”
When a lump forms in my throat, I’m convinced it’s the remains of my heart trying to escape. “You’re right. Iwon’tknow because he’s gone. Where did he go anyway?”
She looks down and then dabs her eyes with a tissue as well. “I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you know?”
Looking at me, she replies, “Because he knows I would tell you.”
I wrap my arms around my middle, feeling guilt consuming me. I’ve been too hard on her. I can cry or even throw a fit, but it won’t change that he left.
Delta’s not the enemy but an ally to me. She’s his mother, but Harbor knows she’d tell, so he didn’t want to put her in an awkward position. Not that he succeeded, but he tried.For her? For me?
She leans forward as if she’s sharing a secret of her own. “Harbor isn’t my only wild child.” Glancing through the windows, the slightest of smiles is seen when she watches Noah diving into the pool. When she turns back, she says, “But he considers himself a black sheep. What he hates about himself for being different, I adore. There’s a quieter confidence.” She grins like there’s more to that story. “At least around me. I can’t speak to his friends or those he’s dated. I have a feeling some arrogance might play into his character when he’s out in the world.”
I think about the first time we met and how it wasn’t arrogance but a sense of self that caught my eyes. He may have felt lost over the years—grieving not only his cousin’s death but who he was before Lucas passed—but he was making strides to regain all he’d lost on the inside.
“It’s not that which drew me to him. It was his character, his humor, the way he was always close to me, physically, and listened. He listened to me like someone who wasn’t listening to himself. He understood the hole that Liz left. He didn’t try to fill that, competing for the space would have been a useless endeavor. He just loved me enough that I didn’t notice the absence of her anymore.”
“May I ask who Liz is?”
I had been absently staring at a family photo on the mantel when I turn to look at her again. “Liz? Liz is my mom. But she left when I was two. Disappeared like Harbor.”
“Liz Shaw? Elizabeth Shaw?” She slowly stands, staring at me like she’s seen a ghost. Her eyes examine my face as if she’s seeing another person altogether.
I turn away, the intensity of her stare feels too much for me to handle right now.Shaw? Is that her name?“I have no idea what her last name is . . .was. I don’t know anything about her. I’ve never even seen my birth certificate.” I waffle. “On purpose. She left me, so what was the point of investing my time in her?”
Delta is still staring, so I shift and say, “Please don’t.”
“I just can’t believe . . .” Seemingly rattled, she moves toward the kitchen.
I ask, “You can’t believe what?”
Turning back, she replies, “I can’t believe you’re her daughter.”
“You knew her?”
She nods. “Liz was one of my school friends. She came over with her sweet daughter once.” She looks at me in the same manner I was originally greeted—open arms and comforting. “I held you when you were little, and while we had tea and caught up on each other’s lives, you and my son, who was just one year older, played together. I think I have a picture somewhere.”
Is she saying I have a chance to find my mother? My feelings are conflicted. I never thought I could feel such immense emotions all in the same day. But here we are . . .
“I don’t know where they are, but I’ll look for them very soon for you.”
“Thank you.” I face the door and then tell her, “I think I need to go.”
“It’s been a lot today.”
