AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It wasn’t just the late-night talks I missed. I missher. I miss the smell of her bubble bath still lingering in the bathroom after she got out. I miss the elastics she’d use to twist her hair on top of her head. I’d find them everywhere, from a blue one in the crack of the couch to a pink one in the fridge once, and a handful on her nightstand. I miss her claiming one of the nightstands as her own. I miss her claiming me as her own. I miss her so fucking much.
I close my eyes, not from fear that this will be the last time I’m close to her, but the opposite. This feels like a new beginning. An acceptance of who we were and who we are in the present.
She whispers, “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything at all. I didn’t know your name the first time I laid eyes on you. I didn’t even know it a month later when you bought the soda at TJ’s—”
“And you called me sweet cheeks.” She smiles for me, and my whole world tilts on its axis.
I’m worn down, the trauma of that day years ago exhausting me in ways that may take a lifetime to recover. But I will recover. I know that now. I caress her cheek feeling I’m earning the right back, even if at a slower pace than I like. “And you called me babe.”
She nods with a sweet smile arranged on her beautiful face. “I remember when I told you my name and the way you looked at me . . .” She takes a shaky breath. “No one’s ever looked at me the way that you do. Even now, after the years, the pain, the crushed hearts, the lost souls, you still look at me like I’m everything.”
“You are. To me, you always will be.” The weight of the words holds all my truths inside them. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Lark.”
With one hand still firmly pressed to my cheek, she slides her other down my neck. Looking into my eyes, she says, “I wish you hadn’t.”
“It’s my biggest regret.”
When she tears her eyes away from me and takes a breath as if she’s gasping for air, the point of the knife prods this fucking useless organ in my chest. It’s an unpaid passenger on every journey I make.
She nods slowly and then closes her eyes briefly. “I didn’t expect you to keep your promise.” Her eyes glance to me and then away again. “But you’re here, Harbor, and I’m . . .”
“You’re what? You can tell me anything.”
Seeming to catch herself, she sits up and then tucks her legs back inside the vehicle just as tears overflow her lower lids. Looking down at her fingers twisting in her lap, she shakes her head. “I can’t do this again, Harbor.”
“What is this?” I ask, hearing the lengthening distance in her voice. Looking at me, she hesitates, then licks her lips as if the words are already there, but she doesn’t want to say them out loud. As much as I don’t want to hear a rejection, I still care what she has to say. “You can tell me, Lark.”
Her gaze slides up until our eyes meet again. “If I’m not careful,” she whispers, “I’ll fall in love again.”
I kneel before her again. “You say that as if it’s the worst possible outcome.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale, Harbor. You don’t get to barge into my life and sweep me off my feet. That ship has sailed.”
I stand and turn, looking around as if I’ll find an answer in the dark that surrounds us. The knife slides in without resistance, straight to the heart of who I am, deflating any hope I carried of reigniting our flame.
With my hands on my head, I pace away from the car, wishing I could make her see how much I care. Money never impressed Lark Summerlin. Character does, and she believes I lack integrity.Would she feel differently if she knew the truth?Standing ten feet away or so to give her all the space she needs to see me,all of me, I ask, “Are you open to the possibility?”
“You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I know better than I ever did. I know who I am, even if you can’t see it.”
“It doesn’t matter what I see. You’re still asking me to throw caution to the wind and trust you again.” She rubs her forehead, seemingly troubled by raising her voice. When she looks up again, her eyes are focused on me. “I did that once, and it didn’t end well for me.”
“You’re a doctor. It ended exactly how it should have.”
“I would have chosen you if I had been given a choice.” Tears roll down her cheeks, and she reaches for the door. I stand, knowing I’m not changing her mind, at least not tonight. “I realized years ago that you weren’t the knight in shining armor, but my story’s villain.” Her gaze crawls back to mine, and through a shaky breath, she says, “I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through, for the evil that forced you into a corner. I’m glad you’ve fought to live your life to the fullest again. But maybe . . . maybe that’s the only happy ending we can hope for us.”
When she holds the door even tighter, I stand so she closes it. But then she reopens it, and says, “I forgot my shoes.”
I look at the park bench and see the glass, the wine bottle, and her shoes still there. “I’ll get them.”
The door closes as soon as I walk away. I don’t take offense. Pushing me away and blocking me out are her defense mechanisms. What I think or feel doesn’t matter. I care too much to push her beyond her comfort level. I pick up the shoes and the glass, dumping the remaining drops to the ground, then grab the bottle.
I felt the beginning not the end. My mind is reeling as much as my heart. This isn’t our end. I would feel it.
After I load the stuff in the trunk, I get in the car and hand her the shoes. “Thank you,” she says quietly as if she’s being intrusive.It’s bullshit that she sounds small.She should never be anything less than the incredible person she is.
