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Jabbing my fingers into my chest, I say, “I was the situation.”
“This is what I meant by being too late to turn back. The deal was that John would get the loan he needed if I left him.” She pauses, looking down and wiping her eyes again.
“Okay, I understand what a hard position that would be, but he would have made it work without a loan. Why did you leave me?”
“Because they threatened to get custody and take you from us. If I left, at least John would have you. I figured one parent was better than none.” She toys with her napkin and then adds, “I made the biggest mistake in my life leaving the two of you, but please realize at twenty-one, I thought it was the only option I had. I believed them.”
“Yet you kept them in your life.”
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “Not for a lot of those years.” Pressing her palms on the tablecloth, she sinks in her seat just a little “I promise you, Lark, I did what I thought would be best for the two of you. I’ve lived in hell since the day I walked away.”
“Why are rich people so evil?”
Dipping my head down, I know that’s not true. The Westcotts are some of the most generous people I’ve ever known. And Harbor, my Harbor, is always worrying about others. It seems there are just a few bad seeds.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope that we can start working toward having a relationship.”
“A relationship?” I’m not sure how to feel about that. I think it’s because I didn’t expect her to take responsibility like she has. She was young, made a bad decision that sounds like she’s spent her life regretting.
How many more years do we have to suffer? Medically speaking, resentment wreaks havoc on your mental and physical health. Personally, it’s hard not to feel something when it’s clear Liz is in so much pain. There’s still so much to work through, but what if . . . what if we tried to work through it together? The best gift we can give ourselves is the option to try to move forward.
I reply, “I think I’m ready to start from here, from today and this meeting.”
Her smile is the widest I’ve seen. “I appreciate that so much. Thank you.”
She reaches down and pulls a large white envelope from her bag. Patting it, she says, “I’d like to continue this anytime you’re available and up for it. “I know this is hard, but I would like to ask if we can see each other again?”
It is draining, but I can feel the possibility of coming to peace with her. I have to focus on that aspect. “I’d like that.”
She smiles at me. “Thank you. Let me give you my number.”
We exchange information and then turn to leave, but I stop and go to her. “May I hug you?”
“I’d love that.” She wraps her arms around me, making my heart hurt just a little. This is what it would have felt like had I grown up around her and gotten mom hugs. They’re pretty great.
She hands me the envelope. “I want you to have this.”
“Okay.” I take it and tuck it under my arm.
She says, “I always loved you. I never stopped.” I smile, feeling a little more whole, and think, that’s all I ever wanted to know. “Goodbye, Lark.”
“Goodbye, Mom.”
Seeing Harbor already waiting on the sidewalk, I rush into his arms, fully embracing him. Liz and John didn’t get their happy ending, but I won’t lose mine.
He wraps himself around me, holding me tight and kissing my head.
He was right.
This is home. Like he once said, the place doesn’t matter.Home is found in him.
We get in the car and start back for the apartment. He asks, “How’d it go?”
“I think it was better than I expected.”
“That’s good.” He glances over and then rests his hand on my leg. “But I’m not surprised. You’re amazing.” Always my biggest fan.The charmer.
I rest my hand on his, loving the warmth. “Thanks, babe.” I take a deep breath, smiling as joy takes hold of me. I was loved. This is all the little girl inside me ever wanted to hear. Feeling content, I rest back in the chaos of traffic and smile. “For the first time in my life, I now know she loved me.”
