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I can’t let that happen.
The ache in my chest expands exponentially, turning the whole of my being cold. Ice fills my veins, and I welcome it. Let it turn me back to the cold-hearted demon I was before. Let it freeze this tie that binds us until it shatters.I can’t linger any longer. Clutching tight to that cold, heavy ache, I turn away from Sophia’s sleeping form.
Without so much as a backward glance, I walk out the door.
Chapter30
Sophia
Birdsongs wake me early.Everybody always talks about how peaceful the forest is—nobody ever mentions that the birds are louder at dawn than freeway traffic at rush hour, but I don’t mind much. I slept well, and although my body aches, I’m not nearly as sore as I expected to be. I stretch, expecting to find Lucifer behind me. Continuing my stretch into a lazy alligator roll, I find myself alone in the bed.
I hope he’s gone to find something for breakfast, I’m starving. Yawning, I take a few more minutes to stretch lazily. Eventually I drag myself out of bed and run my fingers through my messy hair. I stretch once more when my feet hit the floor and take a long look around the room. There’s a small closet on the opposite wall. I should check and see if there’s anything to wear.
Not that I’d mind spending the whole day naked with Lucifer, but since he’s already up and about I’m sure he’s got something on the agenda for today which will require clothes. All I’ve got with me is my ruined robe and angelic armor, neither of which are errand-appropriate.
But if I know Lucifer’s entourage the way I think I do, that won’t be a problem. I pad over to the closet and pull open the door, where I find an array of soft, stylish clothes and footwear in just my size. Lucifer’s entourage has some kind of practical magic. It’s almost enough to make me laugh, or it would be, if my head wasn’t so full of so many very unfunny things.
Lucifer never answered my question last night. Of course, he made up for it in many blissful ways, but the question itself remains. What happens now? The societal pushback to him hooking up with a human was bad enough, but an angel? I feel like that’s enough to set off a civil war.
War.What will Cephalus do now that we’ve escaped Hell? I’m not sure about the small print statutes of their agreement, but I’m damn sure somebody broke it yesterday. Chances are Cephalus will think himself the injured party regardless. He’ll want rectification at least—retribution, more likely, since it all happened so publicly. If there’s one thing you never want to do to an entitled old man who holds any power over you, it’s humiliate him in public. I can’t even begin to see how we can solve this peacefully, and I can’t see how we could take Cephalus down without kicking off a war.
It always seems to come back around to war. Even Uriel, or Meshach, or whoever he is. Cephalus has used Uriel’s death as an excuse to hit the angels hard, fast, and often. What does him being back mean on the large scale? The more personally urgent question is, why does he want me dead? Apart from the whole angel thing. I saw the shock on his face. He didn’t know I was an angel any more than I did.
An angel.No wonder my mom is nuts, especially if the son of a bitch revealed that he was an angel. Did he abandon us or was she hiding me from him? Her church avoidance suggests the latter, but it could as easily be the former. I wouldn’t want to hang out at Lucifer’s company if he pulled some shady shit like that, but I feel like her response is more like if I never went into any office buildings ever again.
I shake my head at myself. I can’t even focus on the real question, it’s too big. I’m an angel. What does that mean? Personally, cosmically, morally—what does it mean to be an angel? Clearly they aren’t the objects of purity people seem to think they are. I can’t envision a symbolic-being of love and light raw-dogging my mother or going to war with demons.
I managed to dress myself somehow, even with the chaotic storm of thoughts swirling in my head. Now to see if Lucifer has scrounged up anything for breakfast. The bedroom opens into the living room, which manages to be simultaneously extravagant and cozy. The couch is perfect for cuddling. If we aren’t too busy today and are just laying low, maybe I can talk him into watching a movie with me.
I wander into the kitchen to find the pots and pans cold and clean. Nobody’s touched anything in here. A twinge of worry twists in my gut.
“He’s just in the bathroom,” I mutter to myself, then head in that direction to prove it.
The bathroom door is open, and the room is empty. My heart beats fast and I check the other bedroom, the other living area, and the loft. He’s not here. I run through all the rooms again, although I know it’s useless.
Maybe there isn’t any food for breakfast, that’s got to be it. He just went to grab groceries, that’s all. I’ll prove it. I rush to the side door and pull it open, jumping down the three shallow steps in a single bound. My feet hit the ground and I freeze.
The car is here.
If he was getting groceries, he would have taken the car. Sure, he could fly if he wanted to, but that would blow his cover for no good reason. No, he’d take the car. Why didn’t he take the car? My heart is racing, thundering in my chest as a kind of fear I’ve never felt before fills me up. He isn’t getting groceries, he didn’t leave a note to say he had to deal with business, he isn’t cooking and he isn’t just in the bathroom.
He’s gone. I can feel his absence the way I can feel the sunlight on my face. The fear inside me twists, wringing out the kind of grief which only comes with something irrefutable.
Something final.
My stomach drops as the truth settles over me, leaving no room for doubt or hope or wishful thinking. Lucifer didn’t just leave me here for a moment.
He left me… for good.
