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As far as everyone knew, Gloria and Dan had adopted me when I was three, after struggling with latent secondary fertility for years. That was all true, but they’d adopted me after my biological mom, Sicily, had died in a car crash and named Dan—my biological father—as my guardian.
I didn’t have many memories of her, and that only made me more determined to help preserve Maddox’s and Savannah’s memories of their mom. It was only after I’d left for Australia that Dan had sent me any information on Sicily. And even that had been limited. A few pictures, some notes about the things she’d liked, about the college she’d attended.
Dan and I may have the same genes, but you wouldn’t guess it based on our looks. I definitely favored Sicily. She had the same honey-colored locks—at least if I hadn’t colored mine purple. The same striking violet eyes. She was beautiful.
I’d often wondered how my life might’ve been different if Sicily hadn’t died. But then I remembered how pointless it was to think that way. Focusing on the past would only cause more grief than good.
SIX
I blinked a few times, trying to clear the blurry image on the TV screen from my vision. There was a warm body next to me that smelled of sweetness and a hint of spice.Ellie.
Carefully as I could, I glanced down at her sleeping form. Her eyelashes fluttered against her skin. Her lips parted just slightly. Purple hair splayed over the cushions.
It was funny sometimes, to look at her now. To remember the girl she’d been and yet see the woman she was becoming. Sometimes it felt as if I’d known her forever, and then others like I didn’t know anything about her at all.
“Ellie, hey.” I nudged her. It had been so nice to spend another evening with someone instead of alone. “Time for bed.”
She groaned and turned over, pulling the blanket higher.
“Hey, sleepy girl.” I shook her gently. “Time for bed.”
“Mm.” She pushed me away. “I’ll be up in a minute.”
I chuckled and stood, tucking the blanket around her. I checked the doors then proceeded upstairs, peeking in on the children before heading down the hall. I switched on the lamp in my bedroom and paused to stare at Tessa’s nightstand.
Ever since the disastrous dinner with her parents the other night, I kept asking myself one question. Was I like Gloria—stuck in the past?
Or was I juststuck?Afraid to move on, as if doing so would somehow erase all that had come before. Erase Tessa’s importance in my life.
It was exhausting. Seeing her things there—waiting—every night was depressing. The morning was no better; I’d wake up, and the sight of her nightstand was jarring.
I’d been putting it off. Making excuses. As difficult as it was to move on, I didn’t want to be stuck in the past either. And being confronted by these crushing reminders all the time wasn’t helping.
I wondered if it was as difficult for Ellie to be in this house—surrounded by memories of Tessa—as it was for me. More and more, it felt as if the walls were closing in on me. Instead of honoring Tessa’s memory, I’d made a shrine to the past. A prison of my own making.
But Tessa wasn’t coming back. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.
I removed Tessa’s books, phone charger, and glasses from the nightstand and tucked them in a box in the closet. A glance at her clothes told me I had a lot more work to do. It was daunting, but even that small change felt like a step in the right direction.
When I checked the time on my phone, I knew Enzo would still be up. I texted him a picture of the empty nightstand, and he immediately responded.
Enzo: Bittersweet, I’m sure. Moving forward can be painful, but also liberating.
Yes. Can’t believe how much money was raised for the new library.
Enzo: It’s a testament to the AV’s love of Meghan Hart and Tessa.
I smiled to myself, thinking about how touched I’d been by everything Liam had done to make the new branch of the library a reality. He’d given part of his land in St. Cecilia to the AV for the purpose of building a library that would be dedicated to Tessa. And he’d donated the proceeds from Meghan Hart Day to help stock it with new books.
Are we still on for Tuesday?
Enzo: Meet you at four.
I’d always loved taking long bike rides through the AV countryside, but I’d lost my riding partner when Asher had moved to New York. Then he’d moved to LA, but ever since he’d returned, he’d had absolutely no interest in cycling.
When Enzo had heard I was looking for a riding buddy, he’d offered to join me. He hadn’t done much cycling in the past, but he was still incredibly fit from all his years of playing professional soccer. And he was always up for a challenge.
I brushed my teeth and stripped out of my clothes before slipping between the sheets. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought of the girl with the purple hair and violet eyes. I thought of the past and the present. And for the first time in a while, I allowed myself to wonder about the future.
