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“It’s complicated,” I said, sidestepping his question.
I worried that I was using Elle as an escape. I worried that my feelings for her were so strong because of her connection to Tessa. I worried…
“It’s only as complicated as you make it. As long as you both know where you stand, I don’t see the problem. Do you want to see her again?”
I didn’t have much of a choice, considering she lived with me. But I didn’t mention that. Besides, even if Elle didn’t live with me, the truth was, Ididwant to see her again. And not just for sex.
Elle was right; life was too short not to live the way you wanted. And I wanted her. Even if I could only have her for a little while.
SEVENTEEN
“Ellie?” Savannah asked from the living room.
“Hm?” My mind was stuck on the other day, and I kept playing it on repeat. Tristan watching me. The shower. The…
“Ellie!” Her tone was more insistent this time.
I jerked my head up from the cutting board. “Yes? What?”
She scrunched up her nose. “I think something’s burning.” She pointed at the stove.
“What?” I spun around and realized she was right. The water was boiling over the pot. “Sh—oot. Shoot.”
She laughed, giving Rex’s head a playful pat. “You were going to say something else, weren’t you?”
“I, um—” I darted over to the stove to turn it off. “I really need to focus on dinner.”
“Yeah. What’s up with you tonight? You’re in la-la land.”
I smiled, thinking about Tessa. I’d always associated that phrase with my sister. But then I cringed. I was standing in her kitchen. Cooking for her kids. And fucking her husband.
Well, I had once. At least, if you didn’t count my other orgasms.Ugh. Ellie. What is wrong with you?
There was no way to justify this. But I also felt powerless to stop it. I didn’twantto stop it. And while part of me felt guilty, I couldn’t say I regretted my actions either.
Did Tristan?
Thanks to Maddox’s birthday and the kids’ busy end-of-year stuff, we hadn’t had any alone time the past few days. I knew we were both busy and tired, but he acted as if nothing between us had changed. Obviously, I wouldn’t expect things to—not in front of the kids anyway. But I still wasn’t sure where we stood.
I finished preparing dinner just as Tristan walked through the door with Maddox.
“Hey. Good timing.” I smiled as Maddox ran to me for a hug.
“Hey.” Tristan smiled back at me, though it still gave me zero insight into his thoughts.
We ate dinner as a family and talked about our day. All the while, I wondered what to expect after the kids were in bed. Would Tristan and I watchLost in Spaceas usual—curled up on the couch but not touching? Would he want to talk about what had happened? Did he want to do it again?
Waiting felt like agony.
Tristan helped the kids with their baths, and then they asked me to read them stories. I loved having that special time with them. When they asked to visit Tessa in her imaginary castle library, it only made me feel worse about what I’d done with Tristan.
I kissed Maddox and Savannah goodnight before pausing at the top of the stairs. Tristan was nowhere to be seen, and I couldn’t sit still. So I grabbed my laundry basket and then the kids’, adding its contents to mine.
Downstairs, I started loading clothes into the washer, pausing when I came to Tessa’s dress. I glanced down at the material, my mind going back to the other day. I’d been wearing my sister’s dress when her husband had covered me in his come.
I took a steadying breath as another thought occurred to me. I’d been wearing her dress when… Wasthatwhat had turned him on?
The room spun, and I hated that I even had to wonder if that was the case.
