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Coming so close to losing her had made him realize that his feelings ran deeper than just attraction. You couldn’t build a relationship on mere physical attraction to your partner, not a lasting one anyway, and he wanted a relationship like his parents and his grandparents had. He wanted one where in old age you were still happy and excited to have your partner sitting by your side.
He wanted that with Hayley.
Those feelings of attraction were growing into something more, something real and strong, the more time he spent with her.
“I put a little grated chocolate on top,” Hayley said, joining him back on the couch and passing him his mug.
A smile spread over his face as he looked at the mug of hot chocolate. “Remember that camping trip our families took together, the one when you were twelve?”
Hayley rolled her eyes at him, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Must you bring that up every time we drink hot chocolate?”
“Come on, it’s a funny story.” He laughed.
“To you maybe,” she shot back.
“I’ll never forget the look on your face.” He laughed again. “There we all were sitting around the campfire, making S’mores and drinking hot chocolate, laughing and talking and telling ghost stories. Then Tony jumps out from behind the trees, dressed in that hockey mask, with the fake machete, and you scream and stand up so quickly you spilled your hot chocolate all over yourself and knocked your chair into the fire.”
“Your brother thought he was so funny. And I don’t remember any of you being any help, you just all laughed, and there I am soaked in hot chocolate. It was cold that night, and those were the only clothes I had. I had to sleep in them still all wet.” All he could do was laugh, and Hayley poked her tongue out at him. “I wouldn’t be all smug, I seem to remember a certain someone making a fool of themselves when a certain spider startled them.”
“Hey, spiders are disgusting.” Brian shuddered at the mere mention of the beasts.
“So are scary movies. I hated those Friday the 13th movies, but Sophie was going through a horror movie phase and made me watch them with her. We were camping down by a lake, and it was Friday the 13th when Tony came out of the woods for a moment I thought he was Jason Voorhees. But at least that was over something scary. What about you scrambling out of your sleeping bag so fast you made the whole tent collapse, and all over the tiniest of spiders.”
“That thing was huge,” he contradicted. “And I didn't make the whole tent collapse.”
Hayley giggled. “Oh, yes you did. And that scream was loud enough to wake the dead.”
“I'd like to see what you’d do if you’re lying there going to sleep and a spider the size of your hand starts crawling all over you.”
“The size of your hand?” Hayley scoffed. “It was about this big.” She held her hand up, her thumb and forefinger about a quarter of an inch apart.
“Try this.” He reached over and put his own thumb and forefinger between hers, pushing them apart until they were as stretched out and far away from each other as it was possible to be.
“Those were fun times, all of us together, out in the woods, swimming in the lake, sitting around the campfire. We used to laugh so much.”
“I miss those days,” he said a little wistfully. Growing up he’d had so much fun with his siblings, cousins, and family friends. He still did, but things were different now. Both his younger sisters were married, and all his cousins were either dating or involved or busy with their jobs. Even his little baby cousin was eight years old now, no longer a baby, no one hung like they used to anymore.
“Yeah, me too. But nothing stays the same forever, which isn’t always a bad thing. If my mom and your uncles hadn't found me then I'd still be a prisoner in Malachi’s house. Sometimes change doesn’t always seem so good at first, like right now, reminiscing about the fun we used to have is making us miss those days, but one day we’re going to be back in the woods with our parents and all of our kids. Watching them swim in the lake, fish, swing on the rope out into the water, and sit around the campfire at night trying to scare each other with their ghost stories, just like our parents watched us.”
She was right.
Change didn't have to be a bad thing, and one day when they were all married with kids of their own, he was sure those camping trips to the woods would start up again.
“When did you get to be so smart?”
She gave him a one-sided smile. “I guess when you’ve been through something traumatic like I have you either learn to look at the positives in life or the negatives will crush you. Like you, after you beat leukemia when you were a kid, you could have let it shape your life for the worse, but it didn't, it made you want to help people. That’s why you became a doctor, right?”
“Right.” He’d known he wanted to be a doctor for as long as he could remember. He’d only been a very small boy when he was diagnosed with leukemia, and while he didn't remember a lot from those years, what he did remember was being afraid of dying. At five years old he hadn't really understood what death was, but he had known that it was leaving behind his family, and he had known that his parents would be devastated and never fully heal.
That wasn't the only time he had thought he was going to die. When he was sixteen, he had started feeling really tired, losing weight, getting frequent infections, having nosebleeds, and bruising easily. Afraid that his leukemia was coming back he had gone to see his doctor but hadn't told his parents, who were having problems at the time, which he hadn't wanted to add to. Instead, he had let his fear turn to anger, and he’d lashed out at his mother, something he still wasn't proud of.
He had let his fear get the best of him.
Is that what he was doing now with Hayley?
Was he letting the fear that they might try being together and it wouldn’t work out, and he’d lose one of his best friends stop him from even trying anything with her?
He wanted a wife and a family, and he was sure that Hayley wanted the same things. He had fun with her, they were great friends and had been for most of their lives. They made each other happy, and bottom line was, he thought he was falling in love with her.
Or maybe he had been in love with her all along, he wasn't sure, but he was sure that now wasn't the right time for them to be starting a relationship. Once Jay Turner was in custody and he wasn't responsible for keeping Hayley alive, they could sit down and talk.
“What are you thinking about?” Hayley asked.
Brian looked at her, at those soulful blue eyes, and he knew he couldn’t wait. Bad timing or not, he had to tell Hayley he was falling for her.
No matter what happened he was sure that nothing could ruin their friendship. Not if both of them were determined not to let that happen.
“Well, I’m going to go to bed,” Hayley announced when he didn't immediately answer her question. “I didn't sleep last night, and it’s finally catching up with me. Thanks for hanging out with me today, I really appreciate it, you really helped keep my mind off what’s going on.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, then carried her mug to the kitchen, rinsed it out, and put it in the dishwasher, then paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Goodnight, Brian.”
“Yeah, night,” he echoed as she walked upstairs. He lifted his hand and touched it to his cheek where she had kissed him. There was no longer any doubt about it, he wasn't developing feelings for Hayley, he already had them, and they were growing stronger by the second. He didn't think waiting until this was over was an option.
