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She didn’t want him to think she was snooping and hoped it didn’t come across that way.
“A few days ago when I was here, I put a box of condoms in the bedside drawer. I noticed we were getting low.”
“Okay,” he said. “I appreciate that. I would have picked them up myself. I noticed too.”
“I couldn’t get the box to fit so I just moved things around. There was a picture in there.”
He waited a second. “Oh. The one of Noelle?”
“I’m assuming that it’s her. I’ve never seen her before.”
“It is,” he said. “And you were bothered and thought that I look at it all the time when you aren’t around?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I guess it crossed my mind. There are no other pictures in the house of her that I’ve seen and yet that one is so close by.”
He stopped eating his pizza and wiped his mouth. “When I packed up to move, I put all those pictures and what I had left of hers in a box. I never unpacked them when I got here. That picture was in my bedroom though and when I unpacked those boxes I just put it where it’d been in Tampa.”
“I see,” she said. “Did you keep a lot of her things?”
“No,” he said. “Wedding pictures. Maybe a few things she kept that I’d given her. Her wedding rings. It’s all in a box. Her family took a lot of her stuff. It was hard to keep it there. It’s not like I needed to see her clothes or a reminder of them. I had no need for them.”
She could see that, but he held onto the important things. Then she had to tell herself to cut it out. She’d probably do the same thing in his shoes.
“If you want to talk about her, I’m okay with that.”
“I’ve talked about her to you before,” he said. “There isn’t much to say. You know what happened. You know I loved her. I’ll always love her, Jasmine. I’m not going to lie to you. If she hadn’t died in that fire, we’d still be married. I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t have realized that my heart could love another person.”
He’d started out making her heart break but ended with it feeling much better. “It’s hard for me. I try not to let it be. I know it’s much harder for you though.”
“I knew going in this was going to be difficult. You’ve been better and more understanding than most would be. As for that picture, I put it in the drawer when you came over the first time. I guess I hadn’t realized it was even there and I noticed it and it was the quickest place to put it. I haven’t taken it back out. I actually forgot it was in there.”
She moved over and put her arms around his waist where he was sitting. “I believe you. It was just a jolt to see it. Here we said we loved each other and I felt we were riding high. I know it’s fast, but it seemed to be working for you.”
“I want it to work for us. Not just me,” he said.
“It is. I didn’t mean anything by that statement. Just that I was going with the flow and pace you set and then I saw that and it knocked me back some. I guess it’s jealousy.”
“There is no reason to be jealous,” he said.
“She had you first. I’m not sure if she had more of you or not. I shouldn’t even think that, but it’s hard not to.”
“Love comes in a lot of forms and strengths. What I felt for Noelle is different than what I feel for you. It’s just as strong if not stronger. You are two different people. You each made me feel a different way. I can’t explain it but will tell you that it’s not only that I didn’t think I could feel happiness again, but in the past month or so I’m not sure I waseverthis happy.”
“Thank you for telling me that. For being honest. I was trying to come to terms with it on my own. I was getting there. I hadn’t realized I was acting differently and wasn’t even trying. I didn’t feel right saying this in the restaurant though today.”
“I understand,” he said. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me now. I didn’t always communicate well with Noelle. It was a weak point in our marriage. You know some of it. I don’t want to make those mistakes with you. Sometimes conversations aren’t comfortable, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have them. That we shouldn’t have them.”
“That’s a very mature thing to say.”
“Well, I am older than you.”
She laughed and gave him a loud kiss and then sat back down to finish her pizza.
“You are,” she said. “You’re also dirtier than I am too.”
He looked down and saw the sauce on his shirt and hadn’t realized it’d gotten there. “We should clean up together, don’t you think?”
He took the pizza out of her hand and set it down. She was hungry but maybe hungrier for him than the food.
