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I like bringing him out here. Outside, with the white noise of the waves and the sun on our faces, I can almost make myself believe Ilya isn’t as broken as he is. That we’re just two normal brothers out on a beach day, with none of the shadows and scars on our hearts that we bear.
But Ilya isn’t “normal.” He’ll never be “normal.”
Neither will I.
“He did really great,” Rayne says softly. “I was scared when I saw him with Lily and Brady, but… he was sweet with them. He seemed to like them.”
“Your family isn’t some magic cure for him,” I snap.
Rayne frowns. “That’s not what I said. I know that’s not it. I’m just saying—”
“The beach helps. Being outside in the fresh air helps him. That’s why I bring him out here once a week. So he can bealone. It has nothing to do with you or those kids.”
“Why does he need to be alone?”
“You’ve seen how he is with people. Or do I need to remind you of the time he threw you across the living room?”
“He pushed me into the couch,” Rayne retorts. “And I was fine.”
“Because I was there to stop him,” I remind her.
“Just like I was there to stop him last night.” She raises her eyebrows, challenging me.
“The difference is that I could have handled Ilya on my own. If you hadn’t been there, I would have been fine. But if you’d been alone with him, he could have shaken you like a rag doll.” I take a step towards her and lower my voice. “The simple fact is, no matter how useful you are, I don’t need you. Neither does Ilya. We can handle things just fine on our own.”
I start to walk away, but Rayne grabs my wrist. I could wrench out of her hold if I wanted to, but I let her have this for a second. The devil only knows why.
“Why are you ashamed of your brother, Kirill?”
On second thought, fuck my restraint. The fire I just suppressed rages up. I twist my hand and reverse the hold in a blink so I’m the one gripping her wrist, squeezing far harder than necessary. Rayne’s eyes flare and she tries to back away, but I haul her close.
“Hold still and shut up,” I growl. “Listening isn't your strong suit and I don’t want you to miss this: my only priority in life is taking care of my brother. I will always protect him from people who don’t really care about him. From people who want to use him to get closer to me. Nothing and no one will get in the way of that.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? You think I’m trying to use Ilya to get closer to you?”
I shrug. “You wouldn’t be the first.”
I’m not ashamed of Ilya, but I’d have to be stupid not to realize he makes me vulnerable. I have too many enemies to make Ilya’s condition public knowledge. The last thing I need is Ilya being hurt because of me.
Again.
“But you know that’s not what I’m doing,” Rayne says.
“I don’t know anything about you.”
“Bullshit.” She tries to pull her hand away again, but I squeeze tighter. “We haven’t known each other long, but you trust me.”
I snort. “That’s news to me.”
“You wouldn’t have let me up into Ilya’s room if you didn’t trust me.”
“You broke into his room. I didn’tlet youdo anything.”
“Stop lying,” she cries out. “Nothing happens in that house that you don’t allow. We all know that. You could have fired me after I met Ilya, but you didn’t; you assigned me to clean his apartment. You’re trying to act like it’s no big deal, but you just admitted your only priority is taking care of him. You wouldn’t risk putting someone you didn’t trust in his orbit.”
“There’s a difference between trusting you to mop my brother’s floors and making you his primary caretaker.”
Rayne shakes her head. “Not for you there isn’t. And if you were as worried about my motivations as you say you are, I’d be gone already. The fact I’m still here says a lot.”
