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Rayne pauses, waiting for more. When it’s clear I won’t offer it freely, she pushes. “What were they like?”
I lean back on my elbows in the sand. “My mom died when I was little. I don’t remember much about her. And if she was anything like my father, then I didn’t miss much.”
“He wasn’t warm and cuddly, then?”
“In my world, warm and cuddly dads don’t survive.”
“You must get your warm cuddliness from her, then.”
It’s my turn to snort. “My point is, he was a piece of shit,” I continue. “He taught me everything I’d ever need to know about how to run the family business, but he had no clue how to be a parent. And it was even worse for Ilya. He was the second-born, which made him effectively useless in my father’s eyes. ‘An heir and a spare,’ as they say.”
“Even before his accident?” she asks gently.
I grit my teeth. “Even then. But it got worse after. Everyone started viewing Ilya as a weakness.”
“That’s why you keep him out of sight.”
“Fuck no. I’m not ashamed of him,” I tell her flatly. “He’s my brother. I… I love him. I’m proud of him and how far he has come. But other people don’t understand what it’s like for Ilya. They are scared of him. Either that or they want to use him to get to me.”
I see the lines of tension humming in Rayne’s jaw. “Anyone who really knows the two of you—who sees you together—would never think Ilya is a weakness. He’s incredible. And he loves you so much. Only a monster would try to use him to hurt you or vice versa.”
“Unfortunately, the world is full of monsters,” I mutter.
Rayne leans in, bringing a waft of her lavender perfume with her. “Huh?”
I clear my throat. “I swore a long time ago I’d never make him feel like a weakness.”
I feel a warm hand on my elbow. Rayne is on her knees next to me, her body as close to the line as possible without crossing it… except for her hand. She squeezes my arm.
I watch her, waiting for her to decide what she’s going to do.
“Kirill?” she croaks. “Are you still engaged? To Viktoria or… or anyone else?”
That isn’t what I thought she was going to say. But I see where her mind is headed now. I can see the calculations she’s doing, her head and her heart warring for control.
I shake my head. “I ended things. Long before you and I slept together, actually. I told her it was over.”
“You’re sure?” she asks. “Because my sister thinks maybe monogamy is overrated and people need different people for different things. You said the same thing the night we met. That sex is about breeding and growing the human race, not emotions. But I can’t get behind that. I want to do all the things with one person. Or, I mean, not ‘do all the things,’ like sex stuff. Even though I do want to do sex stuff. But the emotional stuff, too. I want one person for both.” She groans in frustration. “I’m not saying that I need you to make a big commitment to me right now or anything. But if you’re married or about to be married, that’s a dealbreaker. I need there to be at least the possibility of everything. Even if what happens here never leaves this beach and we never talk about it again, I need to know that you’re—”
“Rayne.” I drag my hands up her waist, gripping her. “You crossed the line.”
“Yeah,” she breathes without looking down, “I did.” She leans forward so her lips whisper over mine. “What are you going to do about it?”
28
RAYNE
Any doubts I have are blotted out by the sight of Kirill above me. His face is illuminated by the soft lights from the house. The sky behind him is an unending blackness, and the whole world is quiet and still like the space between breaths.
It feels like we’re on another planet. Like we’re the only two people left in existence.
He dips down and presses his mouth to my neck. I curl my fingers into his hair and gasp for air.
“You okay there?” he murmurs against my skin.
I chuckle, but it comes out breathless. “I think I forgot to breathe. I just… I can’t believe we’re doing this.” I bite back a moan when Kirill’s teeth graze over my skin.
I want this. I want this so fucking badly that I’m forgetting to inhale. But my little sliver of doubt opens the curtain on a chorus of voices in my head.
