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“Rayne,” Kirill snorts, shaking his head. “Change my mind? About Yuliana? Never. Not a chance.”
My heart swells with hope, but the new size is crowding the secret I’ve kept tucked in the corner of my chest. It prickles uncomfortably. I know if I don’t tell Kirill now, I’ll always regret it.
I lick my lips and take a deep breath. “You should know, though… about Yuliana. Well, I’ve kept something from you. I don’t even know if it’s a secret, per se. I haven’t been able to get her in to see a specialist or anything, so I don’t know, but I think—”
Kirill cups my neck, his thumb stroking along my jawline. “I know.”
I frown, staring up at him. “Know what? I haven’t—I didn’t finish yet.”
“But I know,” he says. “I noticed. I notice everything.”
I stare up at him, hoping he’s right. Praying he does already know. It would save me the trouble of having to put it into words.
“When Ilya was little, he didn’t hit all the same milestones as everyone else. Smiling, walking, talking—he was late on all of them. It’s why my dad was such a bastard towards him,” he says through gritted teeth. “He didn’t think Ilya was worth anything because he wasn’t ‘normal.’ Whatever the fuck that means.”
I nod, trying to settle the jackhammer in my chest.
“The moment I met Yuliana,” Kirill says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, “I saw Ilya in her. In her eyes and her full cheeks. In the way she buried her face against you. Even in the way she was scared to talk to me, but then would cut straight to the heart of the matter when she did. All of it made me think of my brother.”
Kirill wipes a tear from my cheek. I didn’t realize I was crying. But happy tears stream down my face. “It did?”
“It did,” he confirms. “I might be a cold son of a bitch from time to time, but no diagnosis—nothing—would ever make me love Yuliana any less.”
The relief I feel is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The weight I’ve been carrying around—needlessly, as it turns out—is gone.
“I should have told you immediately.” I swipe at my cheeks. “I should have told you the day you met her. But I was afraid of… Well, that’s it. I was afraid.”
“You had nothing to fear.”
“I was afraid you would leave again. Kirill, I—” My voice catches, emotion tightening in my chest and throat. I have to swallow it down. “I waited for you for so long. Even when I didn’t know I was waiting, I was.”
“I never should have left,” he says. “It was a mistake to leave you behind. Just like it was a mistake to keep Ilya locked away all those years.” I blink up at him in shock, and he gives me a sad smile. “Yes, yes, I’m admitting I was wrong. Don’t get used to it. It’s just that, when it came to keeping Ilya safe, I thought the best thing would be to keep him away from other people. All other people had ever done was hurt him. So I thought it was for the best. But now, seeing Yuliana interact with the world, I realize how much she has to give. How much Ilya had to give.”
“You did your best for him, Kirill. You really did. Ilya lived a good life. If I ever made you feel like you failed him, I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “You opened my eyes, Rayne. You made me—makeme—want more for myself. More from the world. I never thought I’d have a family like this. I imagined it would be me and Ilya against the world. I never pictured living a life full of love. But here I am. Living it.”
“You love me,” I say. It isn’t a question, really. Just me speaking the refrain out loud.
“I thought I made that pretty clear in my office earlier today.”
I swipe at my cheeks again and laugh. “You did. But I didn’t make it clear how I feel.”
His expression is flat, but his eyes are beaming. I never understood what it meant to “smile with your eyes,” but Kirill is doing it now. His green eyes dance in the low light, joy radiating out of him.
“Do tell.”
Moving slowly and purposefully, I grab the front of his shirt with both hands. I’m hardly strong enough to control him, but Kirill lets me drag him down to my level. I stare into his green eyes—the green eyes he gave to our daughter—and smile.
“I love you, Mr. Zaitsev. I fucking love you.”
Kirill’s face splits into a wide grin. When he pushes me back against the wall, thoughts of Sasha and what almost happened in this room are a million miles away.
There’s only this.
There’s only him.
There’s only us.
