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He shrugs. “You think I cost you a job. I’m offering you one to make up for it. Call it balance.”
I arch an eyebrow. I’ve learned it’s always best to be suspicious of Kirill’s generosity. “That’s all this is? You trying to correct a wrong?”
“I don’t have any wrong to correct. I’ve done more than enough for you, as far as I’m concerned.”
I snort. “Wow. The epitome of generosity.”
“I’ve never claimed to be anything of the sort,” he says. “But you love your grudges. If I didn’t make the offer, you’d walk around doing your little victim dance.”
My fist clenches at my side, the urge to hit him the way I did Steven rising with every word out of his mouth. “What the hell does that mean?”
His full lips twist at the corners, the tiniest hint of amusement creeping into his features. “It means you like making me the Big Bad Wolf in the story of your life. No matter how many times I save you from yourself, I’m always the villain.”
“I do not think you’re a villain! Or, not my villain, at least. I mean, you’re a criminal, but—”
“I never tried to rape you,” he interrupts. “Yet you stood here and made excuses for Steven Linley.He had a bad day. That isn’t him.But I tell you once to get off my property, and suddenly, I’m the scourge of your fucking existence.”
“Because I always expect the worst from you!”
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Kirill smiles, but there’s no humor in it. It’s a deflection. A way for him to pretend nothing I say bothers him, even though we both know that isn’t true.
I sigh. “I didn’t mean—It’s just that you were a jerk the night we met. You were a jerk the next day, too, when I showed up to your house. I knew from the start that you weren’t going to be a normal boss. Steven, he… He had me fooled, I guess.”
“So you’re mad at me because I’ve been honest with you from the beginning. Checks out.”
“Honesty is not the problem,” I huff. “It has more to do with the fact that every time you were honest with me, you then ran in the other direction.”
He moves towards me, forcing me to lean back to meet his eyes. “Today, I rantoyou. I sought you out. I helped you when the supposedly ‘good boss’ you were working for decided to show his true colors. Tell me again how that’s an indictment of me.”
“I’m not mad at you for rescuing me. I’m grateful, I really am. It’s just that we’ve been here before.”
I want to stop. I don’t want to crack open this part of my heart and let Kirill in, but it’s too late. I’m vulnerable, and now more than ever, I want to break our bad habits. This needs to end and it won’t stop until we air it out. All of it.
“You call me ‘your woman’ and you defend me. Then, as soon as I let down my guard, you pull back. It happens again and again. And I’m tired, Kirill. I don’t want to do it anymore. You’re offering me a job, but it’s not out of the kindness of your nonexistent heart—you just want me to be under your thumb so you can keep an eye on me. You want to have control over me so things can play out the way you want them to.”
His jaw thrums with tension. “You have a tendency to make the wrong choices.”
I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life, but everything I’ve ever done has led me to Yuliana. I have a hard time seeing that as a mistake.
“At least I was free to make them,” I retort. “I know that my life is my own. You should know better than anyone that you can’t keep people locked up forever.”
Kirill’s head tilts to the side. The late afternoon light is casting him in silhouette, a glowing halo around a grayed-out shadow. Even the outline of him is devastating.
“If you are talking about Ilya,” he snarls icily, “I’d suggest you don’t.”
I’m on the verge of tears. “Who else am I supposed to talk about him with? You made sure that wasn’t an option. You made sure there was no one else. You told me not to tell a soul about Ilya. So… I didn’t.”
Even when I desperately wanted to talk about how sweet he was, how kind he was.
Even when I fell asleep crying, wishing I could have done something differently, the guilt eating me alive.
The silence between us stretches. Finally, I look up and find Kirill staring at me. His brow is knotted and his eyes scan my face like he’s seeing me for the first time.
“There’s nothing to talk about anyway,” he growls at last. “You gave him ideas. That got him killed.”
“Hope, you mean. I gave him hope.”
