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There’s a brief pause before Yuliana shakes her head a third time.
I’d never say that Yuliana going through speech delays and therapy was a trauma for me, but even the slightest regression sends my heart racing. I feel a panic in my chest I can’t describe.
A parent’s job is to ensure your child thrives and succeeds, but what do you do if they have more than their fair share of hurdles? Is that my fault? Is it hers?
Taking care of her for my entire life is far from the worst possible outcome, I know that. I just want to do everything I can to make sure she succeeds. Right now, I feel like I’m failing.
“I’ll give you some time to think, and we can talk when you’re ready, okay?”
I don’t want to see if Yuliana agrees. Because I need some time to think, too. To calm down.
I kiss the top of her head and crawl back out of the fort. Natalia is leaning against the door. The moment I stand up, she squeezes my arm and leads me into the hallway. “Stop beating yourself up. You had no clue Yuliana was going to have a bad day. You’re a bomb-ass mom and you’re doing your best.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I swipe them away. “I know.”
“No, you don’t,” she retorts. “That’s why I’m here to remind you.”
Natalia leads me to the kitchen and pushes me down into one of the bar stools. “I’m making you tea.”
“You don’t have to do anything. You’ve been working and then picking up Yuliana for me. You should go home and relax.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she tuts. “Green or decaf?”
Natalia is using her business voice. There will be no reasoning with her now.
“Decaf, please. The last thing my anxiety needs is caffeination.”
She starts the electric kettle and turns to face me. “Is the anxiety for Yuliana or a certain baby daddy?”
“You love almost revealing that secret, don’t you?” I hiss, glancing to the hallway to be sure Yuliana isn’t listening in.
“Yuli doesn’t know what a baby daddy is.”
“Maybe not, but I don’t need her repeating it at school. If she ever goes back to school, that is.”
“Hey, nuh-uh.” Natalia snaps her fingers in front of my face. “None of that doom and gloom thinking. You know Yuli struggles with new people and transitions. The school should know that, too, right?”
I nod. “Yeah. I put it in her paperwork. But they have a lot of kids to take care of. They can’t give her special attention.”
“And why the hell not? You pay them enough. Someone should have called you to let you know her teacher was going to go MIA for two weeks. You immediately would have known Yul wouldn’t handle that well.”
“You’re right. She loves Ms. Albrecht. I probably would have pulled her out for the day. Which would have been the right call for me, too. Work was…” I squeeze my eyes closed, pushing through the misplaced shame. “Well, I don’t work for the Linleys anymore.”
“What?” She drops onto her elbows on the counter, eyes wide. “Why? What happened?”
“It’s a long, long story.”
“I’ve got nothing but time, babe.”
“Steven, um… He tried to rape me.”
Natalia stands bolt upright. Her face is pale, but her jaw is set. “I’ll kill him.”
“It’s alright. Kirill almost did. He broke his nose, at least. Maybe fractured his skull, too.” I can still hear the way Steven’s face cracked under that first blow from Kirill. The memory makes me shudder. “It wasn’t pretty.”
“Hold up. Kirill was there?” She shakes her head. “You need to start from the beginning.”
“I can’t. Not now. It’s too—”
