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“I wanted to be there for you!Youpushedmeaway, remember? I didn’t think my news would be welcome. So I kept it to myself.”
“Clearly not. Natalia obviously knows Yuliana is mine.”
I nod. “You can’t possibly be mad at me for that. I was on my own with this and I was drowning. I needed support.”
“I could have been that support, Rayne.” He drags an angry hand through his hair, dark strands sticking up in a wild crown. “You wouldn’t have been living in a guest house and working as a maid if you’d come to me. I would have taken care of you.Bothof you.”
Kirill and I, we both needed more support than we got. In a perfect world, we could have been there for each other.
I know better than anyone this world is far from perfect.
“You say that now, but—”
“I would have said the same thing then.”
“No, you wouldn’t have. Because you wouldn’t have known Yuliana yet. You would have been as confused as I was. In the first several months, I considered terminating the pregnancy. I didn’t know if—” A shuddering breath forces its way out of my lungs. I pause to let myself calm back down. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to take care of a baby on my own. It felt like my life was over. Taking care of her and working and paying my bills was going to be impossible.”
“What changed?”
“I met her,” I say with a dazed smile, remembering the moment I first saw her cherub face. “Everything I was afraid of came true. I ate instant noodles for months and sold everything in my closet to buy her clothes. I had to borrow money from my sister to get a crib and some toys. It was so, so hard. But after I met her, there was no looking back. I knew she was worth every sacrifice.”
Kirill’s expression is far away, and I know he feels it, too. It’s impossible not to. Yuliana is ours. A beautiful girl we made together. All the shit between us aside, there’s something beautiful about that.
“Before you met her, you don’t know how you would have reacted,” I continue. “I didn’t know how you would have reacted. So like I said, I kept it to myself. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Stop lying to me.”
“I’m not lying. I really didn’t think—”
“German told me your sister moved away.”
I’m not sure what that has to do with anything, but I’m grateful for the subject change. “She and Mitchell got divorced and sold the house. I couldn’t stay in the guest house anymore. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“You moved to the city to be closer to her in the first place, didn’t you? So you could have left when she did. You didn’t have any reason to stay.”
“I had plenty of reasons to stay,” I reply with a frown. “Yuliana was born here. She had a life here and—”
“Yes, a two-year-old’s social circle is vitally important,” he scoffs. “Answer me honestly. Why did you stay, Rayne?”
“Because I had a job.”
He draws closer to me, his green eyes pinning me in place. “Why did you rent a shitty house so close to mine?”
“It was all I could afford!”
Lies.I could have stayed at one thousand different apartments on the opposite side of town. I could have moved in with Natalia. I had options, but I chosethishouse.
“Why did I find you on my beach the day I came back to town?”
I’m flustered now, words blooming and withering on my tongue before I can string them into sentences. “It’s—I walk there and—Goddammit, Kirill, you don’t own the ocean!”
He lifts his hand and traces my jawline. “You were waiting for me, Rayne. Admit it.”
I shake my head like a stubborn child. “No, I wasn’t.”
“You wanted to see me again.”
“I wanted to see the ocean,” I grit out. “It had nothing to do with you.”
