AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A lump lodges in my throat as my heart races. That time in my life is one that I prefer not to think about if I can avoid it. There are a lot of things I would change if I could, but there’s no going back in time. I was young and stupid, anger fueling most of my actions. I hadn’t supported my dad through his pain, even though he was angry with me.
“I should have been there for my father, but I wasn’t. The guilt was starting to eat me alive. I was already considering returning after hearing that the baby had been born. My dad was a saint for taking in a child that wasn’t his. Of course, it wasn’t completely altruistic; it was to protect their image as a united family, as well.”
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful for him,” Tracey says, leaning forward to grab her tumbler. She tilts her head back, draining the last of the wine. I just stare at her for a moment, wondering how I got so lucky as to find her.
“It was painful for him. Some days, I think it still is. He loves Jason, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to have a reminder of the worst time of your life.”
“So if the baby wasn’t enough to bring you back, why did you come back?”
“Mom was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years later. The lumps she found in her breasts weren’t just cysts this time. She had cancer, and it was spreading fast. I got on a plane the same day I got the call and came back home.”
“You feel guilty for not being there when she was diagnosed.”
“I didn’t even know she had found lumps. I was too angry to keep in contact with them.”
Tracey puts her empty tumbler down and nestles back into my side, her head on my shoulder. Her eyes are fixed on the fire, her bottom lip pulled into her mouth. I would give anything to know what is running through her mind in this moment.
“So, now that you’re older, you’re overcompensating by allowing her to try and dictate the way you live?”
My cheeks flame. “I never thought of it that way, but now that you’ve said it, I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing.” I huff out a breath. “The cancer came back a second time ten years ago. That was what really formed the bond between me and Jason. We were there for each other when nobody else was, so we started making up for lost time.”
“How is she now?”
Oh, Tracey.
You’re just…
If I hadn’t already fallen in love with her, I’m certain I would have fallen in that moment. My mother has been unreasonably cruel to her, but there is still enough empathy in Tracey’s heart to ask how she is.
“She’s in remission, but there’s still always the worry that the cancer will come back for a third time.”
Tracey nods, her fingers drifting up and down my thigh beneath the blanket. “There’s going to be a time when you have to stop allowing her so much control over your life just because you feel guilty over what happened nearly twenty years ago.”
“I know,” I say before pressing my lips to her temple. “You’re a good woman.”
“I’m good to a point,” she says, looking at me. “I understand where you’re coming from, Liam. I do. But I’m too old to play these kind of games with your mother. I’m certainly not about to bring Deja around her if that’s the way she’s going to behave.”
“I’m not going to let her do that to you again, Tracey. She doesn’t get to do that to the woman I love.”
Tracey’s hand pauses on my thigh as she looks at me, her eyes wide. “You love me?”
“I do.”
I can feel my heart hammering in my chest as she falls silent. This is not the response I hoped for… at least, not until the smile spreads across her face.
“I love you too.”
I laugh and kiss her temple again before getting up and gathering the dishes from our meal. “What do you say we let the fire die down and head inside for the rest of the night?”
Tracey raises an eyebrow as she gets up and grabs what is left, a knowing smile on her lips. “Oh yeah? What were you thinking we would do?”
“Why don’t we go to your room and I can show you?”
“Race you there?”
Before I can respond, she is clutching the dishes tight and running toward the house. I laugh and follow her, the forks rattling against the plates in my hands. For the first time in a long time, I feel as if the weight of the world isn’t settled on my shoulders.
Chapter Thirteen
