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“I’m not sure there’s anything I can do. Tracey told me she would leave if Mom disrespected her. She told me she wasn’t going to expose Deja to that kind of shit, and I completely understand. She has to do what’s right for her daughter, and that doesn’t involve me. Not anymore.”
“So, you’re not going to go after her?” Jason scoffs. “You’re not going to tell her you cut our mother off because of what she did?”
“She told me not to choose between them. She doesn’t want me to turn my back on our mother.”
Jason rolls his eyes. “Well, you clearly ignored that. Tracey is a good woman. Not many would tell you to stay with your mother instead of her.”
“Which is why I’m respecting her decision to walk away from this shit show.” I brush by Jason and head down the hall.
Chapter Seventeen
Tracey
Deja is curled up in the bed beside me, pressing against my shoulder with her slender arms wrapped around my waist. As I look down at her, I see the little girl I’ve taken care of since the day she was born. I see the endless injuries to her heart, knowing more will come as she grows older and becomes an adult. But I will do everything I can to protect her.
That was why I walked away. As much as it hurt to tell Liam goodbye two weeks ago, I was easy doing it for Deja. She is my life, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
Since that disastrous dinner, she’s spent every night in my bed, holding onto me as tightly as she could. She said she couldn’t sleep, but I’m sure it was more than that. I’m sure she’s figured out Liam and I are done.
“Wake up, honey.” I run my finger along her arm. “Time to get up.”
“Five more minutes,” she mumbles, turning her face into the pillow and burrowing deeper into the bed. “Please, Mom.”
“Can’t, honey. We have to go to court today.”
Deja blinks sleepily, staring at me with tears gathering. “Do we have to?”
“Yes. We have to. Don’t worry. The judge will ask you a couple questions about where you want to live, and after that it will all be over.”
“Will you be upset if I choose to live with Dad?” Her voice small.
God, I want her to be mine in every sense of the word. I want to be the home she comes to. I want her to have the best of me. But I have to put her needs ahead of my own, and if she chooses her father, it will hurt. A whole lot. But I’ll have to be woman enough to accept her decision and make the best of the hand I’ve been dealt.
Her brow is furrowed, so I know I’ve taken longer than necessary to respond to her question.
“Not even a little bit, Deja. You’re old enough to make your own decisions and choose what’s best for you. Even if you go live with your father, you can come see me whenever you’d like. You’ll always be the most important person in my life, and I’ll always have a place here for you.”
Deja nods and gets out of the bed. Her shoulders are hunched forward as if the weight of the world sits on them. She trudges to her bedroom, the shower turning on a few moments later.
This day is going to suck.Getting up, I head to my own shower.
****
“I want to live with my mom,” Deja says, tears rolling down her cheeks as she sits on the witness stand. Her eyes are locked on me, her bottom lip quivering as she speaks.
The judge nods. “Very well. I am awarding full custody to the mother of the child. The child is free to visit who she wishes when she wishes, but the mother will retain all parental control.”
Deja flees from the witness stand as I stand up and open my arms. She crashes into them, her arms wrapping around my body and squeezing me. It feels as if she has forced all the air from my lungs.
“No more tears.” I pull back to wipe her tears away. “Okay? We’re going to get through this like we’ve gotten through everything else together.”
She nods, glancing to the side as her father and Britney approach us. Britney is glowering, her arms crossed over a pregnant belly. I shake my head, a small smile of disbelief crossing my face. One more mess to add onto all the others.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Jake asks, not looking at Deja. Rage is building inside me as I try to will him to look at his daughter and tell her he still loves her despite everything.
“Fine.” I look down at Deja. “I’ll be back in a minute, okay? Why don’t you go wait in the car?”
I wait until Deja has left before turning to my ex-husband. He doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty for not talking to his daughter. For not comforting her after dealing with the biggest disappointment of her young life. She will remember this day for years, and it will affect every new relationship she enters.
